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  • File : 1289918145.jpg-(30 KB, 420x540, 1251534559275.jpg)
    30 KB Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)09:35 No.12817912  
    What are your groups inside jokes?
    Mine has a moderately new one. Mining picks are magical items. When struck by one the person being struck loses 3 gold and gains 10 pounds. This joke came about because the only information in the PHB for Mining Pick is "Price: 3 gold/ Weight: 10 pounds"
    >> ChrowX 11/16/10(Tue)09:41 No.12817938
    My group once had a nearly year long Vampire game fall apart because of dynamite. The joke ever since then has been "Get the dynamite, we're fixing this" when things start getting too troublesome.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)09:48 No.12817977
    A long time ago, while trying to pick up some elven maidens in an elven town, a friend of ours first words were: "This is such a marvelous ~elvish~ night, don't you think?" Needless to say, his attempt to get some elven poon failed immediately.

    Ever since then when someone's trying to romance an NPC or when failing a Diplomacy check we often wonder if he said something like: "Baroness, this is such a wonderful human day."
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)09:50 No.12817986
    That's gold.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)09:55 No.12818011

    No, >>12817912 is gold.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)09:56 No.12818020
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)09:57 No.12818024

    Whenever I GM, if someone bugs me enough, I tell them to RAWC out constantly when they try to find something. Passed the check? ROLL ANOTHER WISDOM CHECK!

    I only ever respond on a natural twenty.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)09:59 No.12818039
    Dumping a bottle of holy water onto something requires you to roll your INT and knowledge of the occult.

    Throwing a manhole like a discus requires Presence and Brawl.
    >> G. D. !!k1u7swmD0lH 11/16/10(Tue)10:01 No.12818045
    I guess this could be considered an 'inside joke' between at least me and my DM.

    After a game session one day, the DM said to me:
    > "Let that be a lesson to you. [...] If you go and save your teammates from assassins, you will get nothing but scorn in return."
    The 'joke' spawned when, after a difficult combat leaving me the only person not ability-drained into utter helplessness, I spent three days in-game carting them back to our home base and getting their ability scored restored by the healer NPC there... and yet my character was still looked at unfavorably after all that.

    It's been said many times since in all sorts of different scenarios.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:06 No.12818066
    "They seem like pretty cool guys."

    This line, right here, has derailed more conversations and ensured more bloodshed than anything anyone has ever done in any game I've played in. It has become a byword for bloody, message-sending murder. It all started in a one-off of Dark Heresy, with the new guy having rolled up a Tech Priest. Our group has been captured and are being transported by freight elevator to somewhere inside the Hive. The Tech Priest manages to descreetly interface with the lift's computer and being trying to inquire if the guards are really out to kill us, or are just taking precautions. He botches his Tech Use roll, and in one fell swoop a meme is born "Well, uhh... the computer seems to think they're pretty cool guys." A couple of us who had played games with this GM before were pretty sure he was lying, and so armed with our metagaming knowledge decide to have the Tech Priest short out the elevator so we could jump the guards.

    "You what? No seriously what the fuck guys..."
    "But the elevator implied they would kill us!"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:08 No.12818074
    I once rolled an NPC better at everything than the group. He later became a new player's PC. He remained the most useful party member.

    Since then there's no more jokes about torchbearers.
    >> elusive !6Fk.zjvlFM 11/16/10(Tue)10:13 No.12818102
    all ranseurs are destroyed on sight, immediately, without question.

    All because of a "that guy" who at lvl 3 in a game had a +15 to disarming people with his damn ranseur. He was useless except for the fact that he could make most people drop their weapons, but we were in a monster/undead mostly game. So he was pretty much useless.

    Also he spent about a month where the only thing he would talk about was how high his modifier to disarm was.
    >> The Goddamn Duck 11/16/10(Tue)10:19 No.12818141

    It all comes back to one guy who was discussing this coaster that you could dribble a bit of your drink onto to see if someone had added date rape drugs to it - it would change color if there were roofies in it. When we overheard the word "rapecoaster", we immediately thought "rollercoaster of rape".

    The term is now used extensively by that player to describe his eminent actions, in (or out) of combat.

    Also, in every campaign I run, someone will attempt to sell a dire chihuahua to the players, usually as a guard dog.
    >"Cheap! Nasty! Expendable!"
    >"...Little too expendable."
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:19 No.12818143
    "I have a gun, you know."

    Unhallowed Metropolis. Party was a Pathologist/Coroner (Me), Three nobles and one of the noble's urchin ward. We were trying to talk our way past the doorman to a lady's Finishing School to talk to the daughter of my missing med-school buddy. When negotiation failed, out of desperation, I mention that I am currently armed. Now, whenever we are at an end in our conversation, we're unable to get information out of someone, we say "I have a GUN, you know."
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:19 No.12818145
    "Sounds legit," has become my group's catchphrase for a failed Sense Motive check.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:21 No.12818160
    My group hasn't been playing together for too very long, but we do have something of a running joke: do not trust the rogue's judgment.
    This is due to the fact that (1) the very first time he tried opening a chest he failed his Search check and wound up getting hit with a Dex poison trap, and (2) at one point he tried a Sense Motive check to make sure a healer wasn't ripping us off on the cure we were buying, and rolled a natural 1. The DM told him, "Not only are you positive that the cleric was lying about the efficacy of the cure, but you're pretty sure he's actually a balor in disguise. Oh, and you're pretty sure the druid's hawk companion is actually a penguin."

    Our DM likes to have fun with crit fails...
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:22 No.12818167
    Karakuri war bears.

    Ridiculously high-leveled L5R game, a friend of mine (the group's resident copypasta inspirer) who was playing an engineer-like character (Kuni shugenja, with Engineering 20).

    A few days prior to entering the part of the Shadowlands we hadn't buried under metric tons of jade, the engineer goes back to his hometown to pick up stuff and build something "that will give us the advantage against the foul beasts".

    He and the GM roll in private, we overhear a ridiculously enthusiastic player and the DM's muffled scream of desperation.

    The player comes back with a huge tow of servants/hired aid pushing a gigantic crate.

    We open it and bam, mechanical bear mounts. With crossbows, flintlocks and retractable lances. Player had apparently been rolling for that shit ever since the game started, and had always succeeded his rolls. The night before, her had rolled 10 10's in a 10k10 roll.

    Even the avatar of Fu Leng was made short work of with those fucking things.

    Ever since that day, when someone rolls and impossibly good roll someone has to say "here come the karakuri war bears" and the DM will freak out.

    Karakuri war bear is also an euphemism for an artifact or mount of extreme rape.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:22 No.12818168
    Whenever someone fails a Notice, Perception, Spot etc check: "You see an invisible pink elephant. It gives you sound financial advice."
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:23 No.12818176
    One of our party members decided his rogue/assassin would also be a tailor. I think he was going for a DS9 Garak type character. His role playing was a little rough though.
    At one point he was trying to impress someone with his fine material, which he described as
    "Silk silk... spider silk... silk."
    He really was trying, so the DM let him roll diplomacy. He did exceptional.
    Now silk silk spider silk silk is a recurring material of the finest quality.
    Or, just used to describe something we have no words for.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:25 No.12818188
    I don't know why that made me laugh so hard...
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:28 No.12818206

    L5R, political game. One player is a secret policeman passing himself off as a jovial Friar-Tuck-style Monk. He has earthy humour, a cute pet monkey and various Kiho designed primarily to help him make an escape.

    To further add to his cover, he goes into town and purchases a biwa. He has absolutely no ranks in any form of musical ability, of any sort. So he goes around the palace playing this biwa absolutely atrociously. BWONNGs interrupt negotiations and tense duels.

    At one point, he plays his biwa so bad, a pregnant lady gave went into labour.

    Now whenever someone tries something they have no skill at, it's a BWONNNG
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:30 No.12818216
    well, in a terrible shadowrun game, our team were in a limousine on one of the long desert freeways in california. we were suddenly set upon by go-gangers on motorbikes, one who had the presence of mind to try and launch a molotov in through the window. due to terrible rolls, it landed directly at our feet on the plush shag carpet of the limo (who i might add, was actually one of the players)

    i took the molotov and launched it back out the window with a phrase that despite it's innocence, would live on in group history.


    it applies especially to halflings, i found.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)10:56 No.12818376
    In our group whenever someone badly botches a ranged attack, there is always a random bird being hit by it. Each time a bird is hit the described shot becomes more and more impossible, like ricocheting off a horn to hit the bird or something.

    Also items with names like Pencil Shooter(H. Crossbow), Dice thrower(sling), and Spoon(Large sized Greatsword) keep reoccurring in our campaigns. every time an item reappears it either becomes more magical and powerful or has a longer and longer description. For instance Pencil Shooter ended up looking like an automatic rocket shotgun crossbow whenever held by a certain character of mine due to all his crossbow feats.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:03 No.12818419
    Alot of sentences in our group have started ending with "FOR VECNA!!" I don't remember the specifics of why, but it started with attacking a church of Hextor and wanting them to think it was the Church of Vecna doing it, causing the two churches to fight amongst themselves. The idea was presented by our moderate Int/low Wis character that has absolutely NO experience in the world besides what his teacher, Master Plan, taught him about fighting. Oddly enough, in the first session we jokingly used this idea, every time we said the phrase "for Vecna" before rolling the d20 it always ended up rolling no lower than 14.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:07 No.12818447

    Sounds like Vecna took a liking to you guys.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:17 No.12818498
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    Anything with two or more templates is a "beastyclops," and we are uninterested in the details. This is done to curb over-the-top PCs and NPCs; the impetus to make such a character is a perception that such complexity makes the character awesome, and being met with disregard rather takes the wind out of the sails.

    "You see, he's not a vampire, exactly... he's an Irishman with Fey blood who was turned into a Que-jin and then possessed by..."
    "Don't care, beastyclops, moving to primary containment procedure."

    "So you see, Vol is an undead half-dragon, half-elf and the last being with the fabled Dragonmark of..."
    "Beastyclops, got it, let's move on."
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:19 No.12818516

    Irishman is a template?

    Dire Dubliner?
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:21 No.12818524
    My god, this is brilliant.

    I need to find a way to modify this for use in my group. We've got a guy who's characters always revolve around dragons. His current character has 4 different dragons in his backstory. Also, one of them, his adopted father, is a king or some shit, so he's in line for the throne of the city of what'sitcalled.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:22 No.12818534

    Exclaimed whenever someone dissappears. Our sage/savant in an Ascension level DH game vanished, kidnapped by a xenotech construct. So our resident Blood Angel Scout Sergeant goes careening through the hivecity's walls, tearing into them with his powerfists while screaming his name.

    "I say, what's going on here?" "What, we're on a boat, how did you get a bloody cold one in here?!"

    After the Going On Here Knight, a recurring Cold One Knight NPC in a Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay game. He appears in every game that DM runs.

    "Oh fuck, it's a halfling with a pie, go get the gophers before it's to late!"

    ... I don't want to retell this story.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:24 No.12818550
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    We were playing a bit of a goofy monster campaign, and I was a Mind Flayer Cleric of Boccob.
    We were having an all day marathon session, and I had to leave for work for a few hours. When I returned I discovered their excuse for why my character wasn't helping during that time was that he had investigated a clay jug and got his head stuck in it.

    Now we ask if there's any sort of clay jugs around when fighting Mind Flayers.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:27 No.12818574

    "Luck of the Irish" was a minor supernatural trait in OWOD. So, yes. He was actually half Irish/ half Chinese, to try to explain both his fey and Irish characteristics and his kung-fu and being turned into a Que-jin. And his pistols were demons. And something about a fomori. And garou blood. And I guess he knew a mage?

    You can see why we lost interest and invented a more concise descriptor.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:34 No.12818625
    So, my friends were playing an Aces and Eights game (a western, if you're unfamiliar) when they encountered a snake-oil salesman by the name of Professor Parnum. Something about the Professor struck them as off, and they decided he must be a brilliant crime lord with tentacles of influence stretching from the capital to the badlands. On, you must understand, little evidence but his unfortunate mustache.

    In order to draw attention to the Professor's hypothetical misdeeds, they adopted this strategy: whenever they had to do something shady, cruel, or less than legal, they would wear bandannas and loudly announce that they were the "Parnum Gang." One particular line, from a torturous interrogation session, became a catchphrase for "we are about to hurt you badly:"

    "Well, Professor Parnum says you're a son of a bitch and a liar."
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:42 No.12818686
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    lol, brilliant
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:54 No.12818787

    I laughed. We don't have any real recurring ones that last more than a session or two, but some of these are great.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)11:58 No.12818817
    As a DM I have a stock phrase for when a PC does something incredibly retarded. The NPC in question will say "That's a little weird." After the fact.

    Also, apparently I saw the word "Dissipate" a lot, so trying to fit the word dissipate into sentences some how has become something of a hobby.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)12:00 No.12818843

    Reminds me of a German festival meme. I think it was someone walking around at a festival looking for his girlfriend Helga, shouting her name. It caught on and after all these years people are still shouting after Helga, often getting replies like "HELGA IST TOT!"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)12:06 No.12818901
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    Among my friends this story has reached legendary status.

    Yes ago, I was the DM for a D&D 3.0 game, while creating characters, I mentioned I wouldn't be against them using different races for their characters. One of my friends (a power-gamer to the core) asked me if he could play...a half-dragon minotaur. Now, this guy, he loved minotaurs, and I might have let him play a minotaur, but the half-dragon thing was just an attempt of getting some extra power from him. I rejected the character, but then he started pestering me for hours about it. Finally, I told him that if he could give me a GOOD background story, that would make sense of such a creature, I would allow it. I was confident that he wouldn't be able to pull it off...but I wasn't ready for what he came up with...

    Days later, he came back with the story typed and -proudly- handed it to me. To this day, just thinking about it gets me.

    He described a kingdom of Lawful Good (he emphasized this) minotaurs where they lived in a society that pretty much mimicked all things human, downright to having a king living in a castle. Anyway, one day, the human kingdom next door sent a messenger/ambassador to the LG minotaur kingdom to bring good tidings from the human king. Sadly, the human didn't speak whatever it is that minotaurs speak (Giant?), so the LG minotaur king had him killed.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)12:10 No.12818929
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    Later on, a red dragon came into conflict with the minotaurs and in a scuffle of some sort he managed to kidnap the minotaur...princess. He didn't describe it that way, but I couldn't help imagining a huge minotaur female wearing a pink dress. The dragon took the minotaur "lady" to his lair and proceeded to rape her - I can only imagine the unholy sounds that came from within deep of that lair that night, enough to chill a brave veteran's blood, among which probably there was a pained "mooooo!".

    Months later, the deflowered maiden gave birth to an indescribable thing, fearing for her life and of the baby's, she put it in a basket and let it float down the river. The basket eventually came to the shore of a riverside halfling village, where a couple of halflings found it and gracefully decided to raise the "baby". Fast forward some years and some very uncomfortable conversations and the half-dragon/minotaur that surely didn't fit in his folks' home since he reached puberty said farewell to his parents and went out for adventure.


    I can still see my friend's discouraged smile as he saw all of us laughing our asses off as we read the story and he realized that he was not going to get his character; what he did get was an honored spot within the annals of our adventuring days.

    To this day, it only takes the mention of the "half-dragon/minotaur" to bring a laugh to our group.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)12:11 No.12818945
    "I bow because I'm supposed to" Is the phrase we use whenever someone is doing somthing out of character/bland/ or stupid

    It came about one night when the man playing our teifling warlord decided to get drunk on three bottles of beer (not kidding here light weight) Our group was going to inform the king of humanity somthing. After we meet him there is a solid ten minutes of dailogue when he cracks out IN CHARACHTER "I bow because I am supposed to" the game pauses and we ask wtf. "You've met the dwarfen leaders, you've met the teifling leaders you didn't bow then, you didn't say that then, why now!?" ..His response "none of them were kings, he's a king your supposed to bow to kings"....and so the legend was born
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)12:16 No.12818982
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    bumping for justice
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)12:18 No.12818995
    My friends and run a lot of campaigns from different systems, and its pretty randomn out of a pool of 12 people or so who will play in any one campaign.

    Whenever this one guy comes to a game these days we joke that we get the black armour out and usurp the good kings rule because withouth fail, regardless of the DMs intentions or who is playing, this guy will turn it into an evil campaign.

    Sometimes we can't even figure out how he does it, its just a heap of small, rational steps to promote good then suddenly we are running a slave ring out of a castle we stole in the middle of an underground labyrinth. I was a lawful good priest that worshipped a sun god for heaven's sake.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)12:24 No.12819044
    Any time a person doesn't show up to a game they simply fall into a plot hole. When they come back all questions like 'where have you been' are answered only with a quizical look, as if to say I've been here all along.

    Occasionally our DM will attempt to come up with an elaborate story as to why a character wasn't there (he tries, really he does) but we all act as if he had just said "they fell into a plot hole"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)12:26 No.12819056
    >Any time a person doesn't show up to a game they simply fall into a plot hole.

    I hate when my DM does that.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)12:42 No.12819191

    We call that the GM's Black Box. Which swallows people up.

    We have quite a lot of trouble with people leaving early, or not showing up at all, so we are forced to do this.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)13:27 No.12819537
    Our last campaign at one point I suddenly realized something
    "Wait, you are a cowardly sorcerer, you an heartless necromancer, you a braindead fighter and I'm the one wearing the most ridicolous shoewear (boots of striding) and I've got a small yappy companion (psicrystal)... good god we're reenacting the Wizard of Oz"

    And one way or another we seem to wind up becoming caricatures of existing characters in every campaign even if we don't want to. Right now we have Iron Man (steam powered full plate armor that comes out of a backpack) and I'm apparently either a Power Ranger or a Saint from Saint Seiya (well excuse me for putting the Called enchantment on Full Plate)
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)13:30 No.12819551
    My DM has the random stacks of dimes.
    If you fail a spot check or equivalent, suddenly, you spot a stack of dimes.

    Every game system, with whatever qualifies as dimes, as long as I've been gaming with him (since... oh man... old now... so old ...)
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)13:38 No.12819606
    My group has a few, but two are the most commonly heard.

    1) "You die, make a new character." We use this whenever a player (not a character) does or says something stupid OUT of character. Started when one of my players decided to make a crack at my (the GM) having forgotten a book I wanted and had to wing it.

    2) "Ca-caw! Ca-caw! Twenty guys!" During our last WW2 era game, the characters were all Allied super-soldiers, and one of the players (who was basically a scout) had spotted twenty Nazi soldiers camped underneath the Eiffel Tower. Sadly, he used the above quote to alert the other three party members. Loudly. Alerting said Nazis and nearly killing the group. We now make the joke whenever someone does something IN character.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)13:41 No.12819625
    >We now make the joke whenever someone does something IN character.

    Make that "We now make the joke whenever someone does something stupid IN character.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)13:51 No.12819694
    In my first ever game, one of the players asked "when do our characters do poops?" We just assumed it was when they rest.

    Since then, "rest" was synonymous for "shit". This became even more hilarious in 4e, with the introduction of short and extended rests.

    In a game of Call of Cthulhu, our characters witnessed the summoning of a dark young. The keeper told us to make constitution*2 rolls. All but one of us passed. The guy who failed did so critically, and as a result vomited all over his shoes. Now, whenever somebody critically fails any roll, the result is a failed check + vomit.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:00 No.12819772
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    >Since then, "rest" was synonymous for "shit". This became even more hilarious in 4e, with the introduction of short and extended rests.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:00 No.12819776
    We have several but two come to mind
    The first named mook is always named Jimmy. and he will always die in some horrible fashion. I don't think jimmy has ever NOT been critically hit or has less than 9 success rolled against him. And for those of you who know the reference, the assassin once ripped out his skull and beat him to death with it. Jimmy has been a reoccurring mook for 10 years and more campaigns than I'd like to count.

    The other is admittedly mildly racist. It started with replacing downed enemies with coins. then some how it became say jew when replacing them
    Now Jewing and an enemy means to kill and loot them.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:06 No.12819816
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    Our L5R GM loves pre-statted bears and bandits. He also loves to throw them at us at the same time. The "Bear Backed Bandits" have been encountered twice so far. During a fight, my character hit one of the bear mounted bandits. Our GM then said:

    "He will have to roll Horsema- sorry, BEARmanship to stay on his bear."

    Five seconds later, I errupt in laughter and explain to the party the mental image that popped in my head apon hearing the word "Bearmanship." Imagine a Junk boat with a giant, living bear head on the keel and giant human limbs on the side of the hull, paddling it through the water.

    Now every time bodies of water, bandits, bears, or cavalry is mentioned, so are bearmanships and thus laughter ensues.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:16 No.12819897
    In related news, one of our inside jokes is always describing events in such an over-the-top way after the fact that somebody else in the party can say "that doesn't seem physically possible".
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:20 No.12819923
    Oh man. In a game of Mage the Awakening, my character would always try to get either shotgun or sit in the middle of the back seat and sing "Riding in a car. Riding in a car." (he was the naive man child archetype (great fun to play)). Eventually started hearing it on the radio as we drove around. It quickly became the group's travel montage, going so far as to even hear covers of it on the radio.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:21 No.12819934
    ack redundancies are redundant.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:26 No.12819980
    Orcus Appears, you're all dead. (usually when the game had derailed into prattle
    I'm the DM (the DM of the night would yell/whine this whenever a player tried to correct the DM's rulings and we all took turns DMing)
    Pulling a Mike (Whenever a player would describe and detail the action he was about to take and then fail it with a roll of 1, 2 or 3
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:30 No.12820030
    Gary says "No."

    Low-level D&D 3.5 game, somehow the players found themselves in a cave full of bugbears. The resident Charisma-spamming Rogue tells them all that they're working for him now, and they decide to let them fight their boss, a massive Ogre. The thing is, they have to fight him one-on-one.

    The Fighter gets thrashed in the first two rounds against the guy, and the Rogue is up next.

    Meanwhile the pissy little coward of an elf ranger decides to run away and hide in a tree, as always. I decided that I'd had enough of his cowardly ways and tell him. "A bugbear stops you in your tracks and tells you 'No'."

    >"But I was sneaking and no one saw me!"
    >"That doesn't make any-"

    Later on, after the Rouge defeated the Ogre with old Half-Orc peasant Clothes and a bit of rope (which is a whole other story), they got their platoon of Bugbears and we find out the one that said "No." was named Gary. So from then on, whenever I feel like blatantly rail-roading the PCs for any reason, in any game, I simply tell them that Gary says 'No.'
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:31 No.12820040
    We once were making characters for an evil campaign we thinking of doing. One guy made a Nietzsche Ur-priest (god is dead; I killed him) and another guy came up with this: a tall, dark skinned man who sang David Bowie songs in Portuguese while playing a mandolin. Upon being informed that there was nothing inherently evil about that concept, he paused a moment in thought. He then raised his head and said in a flat voice, "The mandolin is made of children"

    Same guy hatted dice pool's for some reason and loved hex grids so we joking thought he should have a tee shirt that said "had me me hex grid, lost me at dice pool."

    One guy wanted to name his elven character dragonheart. We thought this was a terrible name so we addressed him by the elven pronunciation instead; Fagolas.

    Post-apocalyptic game set in eastern Washington; we come across a biker gang that has secured a small town and are trying to negotiate safe passage. Lucky for us they didn't have a medic and we did so we had a easy in. During the dinner with the boss man, Fred, a used car salesmen, asks, "Does your influence extend beyond these lands?" We all laugh at this and mutate it into its more flower form; "Doth thine influence extend beyond thine realm?"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:33 No.12820065
    My group's got a few, probably.

    One stems from the odd way CTech's rules work. Tagers require high tenacity. They also get bonuses to it. tenacity covers fear and SAN checks. Every time we are asked to roll tenacity for any reason, someoen (usually, all of us) just say "goddamn tagers" as well ,because it's a foregone conclusion that the roll will succeed with a ridiculous margin.

    Same game has another one. One of the players gave his character a verbal tick. I'm not sure if the fact that she utters it constantly is because she's always nervous or it's just gotten out of hand, but "uwwwww" is catching on for any character when distasteful things are afoot.

    It's maybe not much of one, but the concept that the dice (well, dicebot, we play on IRC) hate is one our group invokes often. Notably because one player always either rolls below ten on a d20 or a critical success. No exceptions.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:40 No.12820125
    Hunter (nWoD) jokes.
    >I aim at his region.
    The guy couldn't hit the ground if it weren't for gravity. Result from that roll? Exceptional hit, instant kill. Happened two more times, which made it into the in-game jokes.

    >Not so clever now, eh, mister Vampire?
    Said to a werewolf by the guy whose PC had been liberally dosed with LSD. He had said "vampire" tied between two trucks with barbed wire, then gunned the engine on the bigger truck. Ka-splorch. Now, its said whenever someone has the upper hand, but never with the applicable species named.

    >He may now martial arts, but I am a master of LOOKOUT ITS A RUNAWAY TRAIN!
    Character made a bluff/feint combo roll (while standing fifty feet from a railroad crossing, no train present) which distracted a vampire long enough to get staked by a guy next to him. Now, whenever we're using a feint/bluff combo, we declare this as the action.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:46 No.12820163
    The PC's were attempting to save a burning village from a plague bearing rampaging zombie that was on fire.

    They attempted to warn the inhabitants and asked me how many heard it and escaped. I rolled a D20 and came up with 2.

    so I told them, 2.

    Immediatly our Barbarain shouted, "SO 18 PEOPLE FAILED THEIR PEASANT EVACUATION CHECK? FUCK."

    The Peasant evacuation check now is implemented in any game we play.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:46 No.12820167

    >Bear Backed Bandits
    >expect an in-joke about buggery without condoms
    >get some shitty man-bear-pig ripoff

    /tg/ i am disappoint
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)14:50 No.12820195
    Cookie dough is Ice Cream and Ice Cream is cookie dough. (we play in a dorm with a store a floor down and one day a player brought cookie dough and we all thought if it was ice cream.) Ice cream with cookie dough is a mindfuck.

    Our party's name is the Green Party because we called the first NPC who died Mr. Green because the DM used the Clue figurine for it. He died in the first combat.

    WELCOME TO CHAOS, BITCH!! We have a Wild Sorcerer whose powers tend to be chaotic. Whenever something happens that's invoked by his sorcerer chaos magic, you are welcomed to chaos.

    Constantly remembering my old bard who died and didn't want to be revived, either by asking about my character's powers, or calling my character by the bard's name.

    We also named every dice roll up to 9, but nobody can remember them anymore.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)15:07 No.12820343
    The barbarian's player calls my sorcerer "Care Bear", on account of being so squishy.

    Naturally, I refer to his character as "Meatshield".
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)15:15 No.12820421
    I love /tg/, but it's one of the least funny boards on 4chan. This is a fact.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)15:18 No.12820445
    I had a new player jumping into a session that had been going on for a while, so the story we came up for him was that he had been getting shitfaced and was suddenly teleported into a dungeon. So we decided he was a chronic drinker, and every so often he would ask to roll a beer check to see how much he had on him. Also I had a player who would get up and pelvic thrust whenever he got a crit.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)15:19 No.12820448

    When it's good, it's GREAT. Rest of the time, yeah, humour's not the strong point.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)15:22 No.12820473
    You totally should have let him play that.
    >> Magus O'Grady 11/16/10(Tue)15:22 No.12820474
    a ten year old elven girl once rolled 8 '20's in a row for hitting a level 19 raging half orc barbarian. 20-threat. 20-crit. 20-insta-kill. 20-double-kill. 20-explodes in a shower of gore. 20-gore bursts into flames. 20-holy fuck, his soul is destroyed, no afterlife, no reincarnation. 20-ok, this is getting silly. I'm going to stop rolling now. The little girl picks up her basket of flowers and skips away down the street.

    Annoying tinker gnome character. We strip hi naked and tied him securely to the end of a long pole. Later, we get ambushed by a pair of dragons. this gnome has made it his life quest to study dragons. We immediately brandish the gnomata (like a pinata, but with a gnome) "Give us the secret location of the swords we seek or we untie him!". Natural 20 on Intimidate roll. Dragons: "Whoa! Let's not be hasty! You have a map we can mark?"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)15:26 No.12820534
    Ok, so we found what was described as a "Periapt" in our crazy "D20 modern zombie apocalypse becomes Ravenloft" campaign where we played as ourselves Our Were-St. Benard jumped at it and took it right away. My other friend was making jokes about the phallic nature of the breadsticks he was eating earlier, so pointed out "hey that's pretty gay of you to just take that periapt"

    So since then, whenever that player says something remotely suspect, one of us (usually me) says "WEll.., you did take the periapt."
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)15:32 No.12820591
    Never trust a paladin. Ever.

    I had an NPC introduced into the game to try to be the moral compass of the group. They were getting a little too morally gray for my tastes, so I threw him in there to help this out a little.

    To not make it seem like I was railroading, I made him a servant of the BBEG. He was a fairly powerful red half dragon with DM powers, since I didn't want to go through the book and look up all the spells he needed to pull off half the shit he did.

    About 3 months worth of sessions later, they finally become suspect and kill him. Now whenever I say that there's a paladin in my game ANYwhere, they immediately suspect it's a half dragon and attack.

    Good times.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)15:46 No.12820742
    In my current (and first, might I add) DnD group, we've established that critical failures are magical. For example, the very first attack of my RPG career was a critical failure (Ranger's careful attack with a longbow). The arrow was infused with fail-magic, missed, went foreward in time, across dimensions (by going through the TARDIS, of course), hit JFK, saved the whales, invented cold fusion, got elected, then had a child. Right before he died, he told his child of his mission. The arrow found the TARDIS, went back in time and across dimensions, found me, and hit the bandit I was shooting at (after igniting itself in a nearby campfire and going between a random guy's legs). It then flies off, and has randomly made cameo fly-by's ever since. Now, whenever a critical failure is made, the game world is changed in a random way (usually derived from whatever the last out-of-character joke we made was). For example, if a player is on top of a pile of boxes, and a zombie tries to climb the first box and critically fails, the box will glow brightly, disappear from existence, and send the zombie sprawling on the floor. Oh, and the DM makes us randomly make TARDIS checks.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)16:03 No.12820879
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    When somebody is missing from our group, they're replaced by a cardboard cut-out of that character that one of us has to carry around.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)16:11 No.12820961
    "It's Tuesday and two o'clock."

    During my first ever campaign, a fellow noob continually asked "What time is it?" meaning in-game, even if we had simply walked out the door and he had asked right before we opened said door. Anyway, we could tell he was trolling, and soon the DM would counter troll with the aforementioned statement.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)16:23 No.12821065
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)16:49 No.12821302
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    This was in d&d
    Years ago our party was investigating a Werewolf pack menacing a small town in the middle of nowhere. We're investigating something in the middle of the night, wandering off through the forest. GM has us make spot checks, which we all fail. he rolls a die for a random player. My Elf paladin steps in one of the bear traps the villagers had warned us about but we had forgotten to keep an eye out for them. The GM describes the metallic clank, a sickening crunch, and "yelling out an ancient Elven word of pain" before I could react one of the other players yells out 'PAPAPICHU!" this has carried on as the Elven word for pain ever sense.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)17:08 No.12821470
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    >Picture related.
    So, I popped this fucker down on the mat one time, during a game of 3.5. One of my characters, seeing his pose, turns the miniature to face the group's paladin, and says (in a deep, booming voice), "That man... is a douchebag!"
    Since then, this knight has teleported into the game world at pivotal moments to insult the PCs.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)17:11 No.12821493
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    Just sayin'
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)17:23 No.12821630
    In a campaign where I played a dragonborn, our DM decided that we were going to run our own town. Strangely enough, it was infested with gnomes who made an inn with hot water appear overnight. My dragonborn character had been raised in an area where people don't have hot water and couldn't make sense of it at all.

    However, he was mighty proud of having hot water. So every new person he met was greeted by him leaning in secretively and saying with a sly look on his face: "So, have you heard of this thing called hot water? That's right, we've got it."
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)17:44 No.12821880
    Did they not have fire?
    >> Alpharius 11/16/10(Tue)17:47 No.12821919
    If you're still around Anon, is this the song:

    Or was it a song of the character's own creation? (I kind of like the Youtube one, I'm crossing my fingers for that.)
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)17:57 No.12822033
    Remembered another running joke in one of our games.

    The one male character in the party has some unwanted ability to gain the attentions of a majority of the female NPCs, at elast oen of the other PCs and even at least one male NPC. It's hit running joke proportions in a few ways: First is his fear of everything we meet wanting to marry him, second is the habit some of us have of joking about his relationship status with various key NPCs such as the bitchy book-girl.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)17:57 No.12822039
    "I'm a mountain gnome"
    When my paladin was to be introduced to the group (a Tiefling Warlock and a Halfling Rogue) he was given a bounty on bringing them to a lord (preferably alive). When meeting the two randomly on a road the halfling rolls a nat 20 on bluff and my pally rolls exceptionally low on Sense Motive, meaning he becomes convinced the halfling is a mountain gnome. Now any small character will say they are a mountain gnome when they try to pose as someone else.

    "At closer consideration it is an orc."
    When hanging out in a half-orc village my elf goes to the inn and looks around if there happens to be any elven ladies there. The GM responds with "No, but there is a human." THen suddenly the other players start adding other things, mainly "But it is a guy", "and he's ugly", "At closer consideration, it is an orc". Also, as the GM was tired of coming up with names and had recently learned of my second name (which he found hilarious) all on the spot NPC names are Theodor.

    "Ok, back to reality guys."
    Said when we've been chatting a bit too much OOC and start to get de-railed.

    "It's ok, these things happen."
    It happened after having described how the PCs arrive at a burnt out village where the population had been herded into the main building, barred inside and then lit on fire. One guy is having some of the best RPing I've ever seen him do with his new character, a young 16 year old slum boy. The hardened veteran soldier then goes up to him and says comforting "It's ok, these kind of things happen." It is now said pretty much anywhen someone describes the reason for bad things happening.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:17 No.12822230
    Reoccurring Nurse Joy kind of joke involving a dwarven Barkeep, He's rather surly, his hair changes, but his name is always the same, and he has one hobby. Rolling Rocks. He always invites the PC's to go rolling rocks, and goes on Old Timer stories, "Back in my day, we only had Rollin' Rocks!"

    Then, especially when the town is attacked, the PC's will notice massive boulders hurling through the air, and realize how badass Rock Rolling can be. And I've actually had a PC learn to Roll Rocks.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:23 No.12822300
    rolled 63 = 63

    Any variations of "MY PARENTS ARE DEAAAD!" after a discussion about cliched character backgrounds.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:28 No.12822343
    "Doc, pull the car around."
    Used in a Dresden Files game where we were trying to figure out a way to restrain a Red Court Infected so we could interrogate him. Solution: Park a car on top of him.

    "Fuck subtlety!"
    Also from the Dresden game. My focused practitioner was trying to stop a guy from leaving a bar peacefully and got knocked across the room for his trouble. He gets up the next turn, holding his broken nose and calls out his new battle cry.

    As for Dark Heresy, our GM likes throwing in "Captain Skags" a shady businessman who will always, always, always try to cheat the party out of their money.

    "You've rolled Psychic Phenomenon: Brown Note. Everyone in 30 feet shits their pants" as a substitute for non-lethal stuff like "eldritch wind"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:28 No.12822346
    Once upon a time, after a long day's adventuring, we adventurers decided to sleep in an inn for the night. The cleric, acting as our spokesman, simply said "We hit the sack."

    DM: "Sack says 'ouch'."

    PC: "....We hit it again."

    DM: "Sack says 'ouch' again."

    PC: "We hit it harder."

    DM: "Sack says 'ouch' more loudly."

    Eventually we ended up just taking the sack, which we dubbed "The sentient sack." Once per day it could be asked a question, and it would answer.... in a completely ridiculous way.

    "Sack, is this merchant trustworthy?"
    "I'M A REAL BOY."

    "Sack, are we in any danger?"
    "FEED ME."

    Eventually we met an avatar/manifestation of Pelor, who granted us a boon of our choosing for killing demons and sealing portals like a bunch of motherfuckers.

    "Great warriors, what wish have you? What boon do you ask of Pelor?"

    My suggestion: "Make the sack talk more often!"

    So we now have a sack that we can talk to for stress relief.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:30 No.12822366
    Does your group have an opening?
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:36 No.12822416
    He came from a tribe location where you'd just swim the dirt off.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:37 No.12822420
    Only got two, and they're kinda lame.

    1) Due to circumstance or just plain bad luck, when I GM Dark Heresy every psyker ends up with his nose broken and incorrectly healed. Eventually one of the players just wrote "Misaligned nose" for his character quirk. It's now common practice that any DH Psyker have a misaligned nose lest they get their face smashed in.

    2) In Rogue Trader, we went through 3 Astropath PC's, and, at the time we didn't know the fluff as well as we do now, so one of the players asks, "Where the hell are we getting all these Astropaths?". GM just said "The freezer, duh." So now every ship in our RT games has a freezer full of Astropaths we thaw out when needed.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:38 No.12822431
    Well. Dark Heresy. We were evacuating from an planetary defense base, basically a giant surface-to-orbit laser and some missile silos. While we'd been 'investigating' the facility and out of contact with everyone else, traitor forces had landed and begun an assault. When we finally could vox our big =][= daddy, we offered to launch the missiles to support the Imperial forces. He replied with "They launched thirty minutes ago. Cruiser 'Divine Right' is moving into position to wipe that base off the map.".

    Cue evacuation montage, where we manage to prep a still-functional Valkyrie and fly for our lives. It's now around two AM and we're all tired.

    And I go, "Oh god."

    "What? What!? Did we forget something?"

    "Oh god... we forgot the rental van."

    We did indeed leave our rental van parked out side the base, where it was disintegrated by the orbital strike. It was a good van, it didn't deserve that.

    So yeah, "Did we forget the rental van?" is a standard checklist question for our group.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:40 No.12822449
    but did they drink hot beverages? Tea? That requires hot water
    I'd think he'd be more confused over "what is this tub of hot water for? how much tea could you possible need?"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:42 No.12822466
    "....It's orange."

    During a DH campaign, one of the PC's played a Feral world Assassin with the Feral Superstition that "Orange is the colour of danger and destruction" or somesuch, so whenver we stumbled upon a challenge the group needs to pass, ever, in any game, we go. "Is it orange?" and suitably panic if it is.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:48 No.12822506
    Each session absolutely requires one non-essential npc to have a groan worthy pun for a name. It started when a player asked the name of the bartender.

    "Yes. Bart Ender, the bartender."

    We've gone through a dozen soul crushing puns since then, my favorite being Fae Grint, the homeless fairy.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:48 No.12822511
    Sadly, no. At least, not in that campaign. That one has been finished, if memory serves (I was, sadly, returned to college before the campaign could finish).

    Another running joke/great accomplishment involved us helping Captain Ahab kill an aboleth. In the middle of a boat-trip, this giant fucking elder aboleth attacks the ship, forcing us into action under unfavorable circumstances. While the rest of the party is stumbling around like a bunch of fuckwits (and our big, burly fighter puking his guts out due to a natural 1) thanks to the ship's rocking, our rogue manages to scramble across the deck with a 18 or 19 to his Balance check, hurls a harpoon through the aboleth's skull with a natural 20, and then rips its brain out the front of its face with a second natural 20. The DM was sad because, in his words, "I wanted that to be a big encounter. Fuck Kerwyn (the rogue)."

    Several weeks (in-game) later, we stumbled across an ancient library that was filled with all manner of arcane texts. When the DM asked what we wanted to examine, I bellowed furiously "The BOOOOOOOOOOOOKS."

    As a result, my fighter/barbarian has taken up the cry of "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKS!" before he goes into battle.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:50 No.12822523
    Whenever there's an obstacle of any sort that we'd really rather wasn't there, we make a will save to disbelieve it.

    Also, in a long, 2 year campaign with the best DM ever, we successfully managed to bluff a heavy stone door into becoming sentient, having a breath weapon, and talking with Sean Connery's voice. And yes, it really did make sense at the time.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:51 No.12822538
    "Odin demands bitches" comes up frequently. Came from a game where one of our players was a lecherous priest of Odin who spent the majority of his time scoring with women. He'd pass himself off as Odin due to magical powers, physical similarity, excellent seduction skills, et. al. and ended up finding a string of bitches all across Iceland, the coast of Norway, and, on one occasion, a skræling.

    Physics has no place in these games is another frequent item. I game with a bunch of hard science/physics guys. I am a literary scholar who writes journal articles analyzing obscure books and discussing translations. When they try to game the system by injecting real-world physics, I grow angry. This evolved out of a session of White Plume Mountain where they tried to kill everything in the giant iron maze using only the power of lightning bolt after lightning bolt. It's also used to explain incidents where things make no sense, such as the occasion in Call of Cthulhu where they managed to smuggle a monster truck onto R'lyeh and started doing non-Euclidean donuts.

    Finally, the laser horse is the next logical step in animal evolution, closely followed by its eventual predator, the highly-reflective spiked tortoise. Both have featured prominently in games of Paranoia, only to die hideously/be adopted as pets.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:51 No.12822539
    "I don a red wig"

    This came about when a Pathfinder campaign ended up with too-many players. One of them, a ginger, got bored and just started DM-ing over the actual DM, spouting retarded crap about starch and chunder. We never resumed the campaign after that, but 'don a red wig' has become shorthand for 'I'm about to do something the DM will hate me for', usually derailing a campaign in some glorious fashion.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:57 No.12822580
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    > Fae Grint, the homeless fairy

    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)18:59 No.12822602
    >non-Euclidean donuts

    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)19:00 No.12822613
    rolled 9, 7, 4, 5, 8, 10, 2, 8, 1, 2 = 56

    We have to longtime gags,

    In Twilight Imperium when we have a new player we explain the pieces by saying "X is the one that looks like a X." This started with a simple verbal flub when someone was trying to say "Cruisers are the ones that look like Battlestar Galactica," but said "Cruisers are the ones that look like Cruisers."

    The other one is checking trash for clues. Normally I sit near the trash can and any trash passed to me is tossed. One night another guy sat near the trash can and had a completely confused look on his face when he was handed an empty box of Mike and Ikes. As he looked in the box someone quipped "Are you checking it for clues?" and the joke was born. Now whenever passed over whoever gets it is told to "Check for clues."
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)19:01 No.12822615
    Whenever the PCs in my Rogue Trader game sent a mook to his death, he'd always be entirely oblivious to the horrible fate that awaited him. He'd take the time to tell the PCs about his wife and kids, and go on extended monologues about them.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)19:02 No.12822624
    I was playing a gay warlock in a ravenloft campaign, and while in the area of a silence spell, I proclaimed my love for the parties fighter, when the area ended the only thing they heard was my warlock saying "... and a pineapple"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)19:03 No.12822639
    Every time someone utters the phrase "stealth mission" the group always ends up storming some fortress, bitch-slapping whoever they come across, and blowing shit up. It's gotten to the point where stealth mission now means storm the front door and kill everything, with maybe half of them wearing ski masks.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)19:25 No.12822894
    The phrase "Let me tell you about my dog," spoken with a bad Russian accent, has become the new way of saying "I'm about to talk for a long time" amongst our group.

    This was a direct result of one of my players doing just that: Talking for forty-five minutes straight in a bad Russian accent, telling stories about what his dog had done. The character was a human psion, level six, and had purchased no magic items on character creation. Instead, he had a massive horde of items that were all contained inside of a triple-locked chests, which were in turn contained in a sextuple-locked cart with a guard dog chained to the top of it.

    During one of the nights that the characters had decided to stay in an inn, I threw some dice to determine whether or not someone was going to try to steal from them. His character got the short end of the stick and a short series of rolls followed after I found out about his extensive security system.

    The dog murdered the thieves.

    When he went to get his things in the morning, he was accompanied by the party. When I described the scene, complete with the dog viciously gnawing on a severed arm, he proceeded to tell stories about how he found the animal and how it was his indentured servant and all of the various deeds that it had performed while it was chained to that cart. The list included, but was not limited to the following:

    -Mauling bears,
    -Mauling dire bears,
    -Mauling children,
    -Surviving a crossbow bolt to the brain,
    -Eating the crossbow bolt,
    -And eating the offending crossbow.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)19:28 No.12822920
    The Faparang
    Somebody in our group was describing a weapon that he didn't know the name of (possibly bolas) as a "ball boomerang." Our thoughts immediately went to a boomerang with a pair of testicles hanging from it. Whenever there's an awkward silence, somebody breaks it with a faint "fapfapfapfap" that grows louder until the faparang appears out of nowhere, slaps someone in the face, and flies off.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)19:46 No.12823119

    I control a group of sad individuals who all sprung my trap and now has to play one of the deadliest campaings in their lives. Anyway, because of the sheer amount of random danger and mindfucking story the inside joke of ours is "landsharks".

    Like the cliché saying: "Rocks fall, everyone dies", landsharks is a joke that anything can appear, out of nowhere, and tear their meaty, tasty heads from the rest of their bodies.

    Long story short, everytime I, as DM, as much as say that something will x if y, rest of the group asks me, with a whisper: "Is it a landshark?"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)19:52 No.12823184
    "I... I like where this IS GOing!"

    When a friend's character basically told mine that she wanted to have sex with him. Apparently I do a damn good drunk impression, despite being a teetotaller. I can't explain why it was THAT hilarious and memorable, but it's something that'll get brought up five or ten years from now, I'm sure. Maybe it's because I'm a bit of a prude, so it was so strange to hear not just a drunken slur from me, but hearing it in enthusiastic reference to having sex.

    I should never try to explain in-jokes. They really aren't as funny if you weren't there...
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)19:58 No.12823258
    Our inside joke has broken new ground into some kind of meta-joke. It started with the Bard of Minor Inconveniences, a hobo whom our party accidentally froze in time by giving him quintessence. The gods took pity on him and boosted him to the rank of a demi-god, enough to allow him to be the reason we rolled natural 1s. We still refer to him appearing in other campaigns.

    What made this weird was finding this same concept outside our game. For example, the web enhancement for deities and demigods almost perfectly describes him. Really eerie, but coincidences happen.

    Then http://www.hulu.com/watch/124875/saturday-night-live-snl-digital-short-the-curse happened and we still haven't recovered.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)20:01 No.12823299
    "I follow the Paladin." This phrase came about way back in the day from an old 3.5 game which a buddy of mine was playing said Paladin. The GM was notorious for just up and killing characters (most of us being sneaky and/or frail) that the only one to do anything was... the Paladin. When the GM asked us what the hell we were doing (which was a bunch of hiding and being as far away from trouble as possible) our response was: I follow the Paladin.

    "Hobbits never leave the Shire and farmboys don't kill Deathstars" is our common phrase for when someone is being too difficult on a character's plausibility.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)20:21 No.12823533
    The non-euclidean donuts thing is brilliant.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)20:21 No.12823537
    "Wonderful. Does the inquisitorial mandate cover the requisitioning of shredded duck?"
    Some variant of this usually comes up, with kings seal, archmage's approval, arrest warrant, and so on. We refuse to fight on an empty stomach, in or out of game.

    Jeremy, the fire elemental that sets fire to campaigns when we're done with them. We've lost roughly half of our games to horrific fire. One time was when the GM decided not to read through the sheets, and didn't stop the pyromaniac pyromancer from happening.

    "Adam can't roll for shit". A phrase usually used to excuse me when playing dark heresy. Specifically the fact that of the last 10 roll I made was a 1 for damage, a 100 that ended up blowing up the computer that we had to hack, knocking me into a wall, a 96 when trying to sneak up on a fire warrior, a 9, 86, 99 series when using a psychic power, ending in a TPK by demonhost. And some other general misses.

    >thetri activity
    Close. Cultist activity.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)20:38 No.12823721
    We have exploding trees. Anytime my party starts to go off the rails (by which I mean total nonsense, not just not what I planned) I say "spot check" and tell them they see a tree.

    Also, and I know this isn't just our table, but whenever the rogue doesn't see traps the entire table, in unison, asks "we see no traps, or we see all zero traps?"
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)20:39 No.12823734
    Yeah, my group's biggest thing is SSS.

    Rather, sudden sleep syndrome. Whenever somebody can't show up for a campaign of has to leave for a significant amount of time, we say they have collapsed into a fit of Sudden Sleep Syndrome, a.k.a. they have suddenly and inexplicably fallen asleep.

    This kind of fell apart though when we realized we could exploit the comatose bodies of our teammates...
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)20:49 No.12823856
    My character was a sorcerer. He was also a pyromaniac, and I played him as such. The DM even allowed, after he saw how I played the character, me to have a rather high degree of flame resistance (the idea was that I'd enchanted my clothes some time in the past to simply not burn). We had a strategy for defeating undead, and it worked several times. We soaked the tank in as much water was available, and have him stand in front of me as I flame blasted him, and everything past him in glorious fiery destruction while he, flaming viking that he was, beat the shit out of anything that came near me. The healer was busy, and we went through water quite rapidly, but those undead went down damn fast.

    Well, the DM decided to be a dick one day. I decided to have a smoke break after a particularly nasty bout with flesh eating dead people at the entrance to a cave system. Party was impatient to continue, so I RP'd my character leaving them alone and lighting up outside the cave. They told me they were going to continue without me.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)20:50 No.12823870
    While I was away, they proceeded further into the caves. They found a door, picked the lock, and entered a large room they rolled a round of shitty perception checks. Our cleric managed a 15, but had fuck all for dungeoneering. As a result, he noticed that the cave smelt particularly bad. They continue inside, and run into another horde of undead. They decide to attack them without me (they should be able to take them). They start to miss attacks they shouldn't have been missing, as if they were drunk. The rogue, one of the smarter ones in the party, decided to take a dungeoneering test in place of his second combat. Natural 20. He realizes that the room is full of a highly flammable gas that was also slowly poisoning them. I was informed of this all after the fact.

    They were being particularly loud as this was happening (I heard some incoherent yelling, and assumed they were battling something), so I decided to finish the smoke and get back in there. I tend to be dramatic. The DM took the following events as role playing: I burst through the door I rush into battle the only way I know how; Yelling "I cast flame blast on (our warrior)!".

    The DM hadn't intended them to die from this, understand. He was thinking they would get quite singed and we'd laugh it off. However, all but the warrior failed constitution tests quite spectacularly, and die burning where they stand. However, the warrior (who was quite used to burning at this point) decided to charge out of the cave and tackle me. We both ended up living through it. As the two dead guys rolled new characters, they filled me in on what was in the cave and told me no more smoke breaks.

    I am now required to ask permission to burn things. Every time I suggest it. My preface for this is "Will it burn?"

    It has become a universally accepted request to kill whatever it is that we're facing.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)20:55 No.12823925
    The noble Lakers

    As a paladin I put down as part of my oath not to descercrate corpses. Taking weapons was fine but stripping them naked (taking their armor) I didn't allow. When one of our party decided to do such a thing they had the rogue distract me by saying "How about them Lakers?" my paladin is confused with anachronistic comment but the rogue goes on to say they're lake people that come up every few weeks to inact their ancesteral rights. On the spot the rogue makes up a fairly detailed civilization with kings, heroes, and everything. The DM asks for a bluff/sense motive roll to believe him and be distractted but I decided to just give it to him.

    Needless to say my Paladin became a big fan of the lakers.
    >> psydpope 11/16/10(Tue)20:58 No.12823961
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    "Whoa... wasn't that skull all dirty and gross a while ago. Now it's... white. Where'd you get like... the skull polish for it?"

    My cab driver in nWoD, tripping balls on vamp blood and booze. Since then, Skull Polish has been a running gag.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)20:59 No.12823974
    Somehow "flanking" ended up becoming a euphemism for "fucking" in my group.

    I still have no idea how or why.
    >> Snapper Carr 11/16/10(Tue)21:00 No.12823979
    One I made up recently for the Dark Heresy game is using "Bolt action las carbine" to emphasize something, because I remember seeing an image on /tg/ where someone wrote bolt action las carbine in a 40k book.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)21:17 No.12824171
    Mechanicum I believe.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)21:37 No.12824423
    "You *sense used goes here* a sparrow in a well."

    I have no idea what actually inspired me to say this line for the first time. I know what happened: One of my players failed a listen check when some orcs were trying to sneak up on them. Since we tend to use humurous things for failures in the first place (everything from having ammo boxes fall off to tripping onto a fork you were trying to conceal), I just dropped the line, "You hear a sparrow in a well." It's been a running gag ever since - my players are even beating me to the punch now, asking me if they do see a sparrow in a well, despite being 3 miles underground in a secret facility.

    The other gag is that nothing that sells alcohol survives in my games. We've blown up everything from bars to cantinas to liquor stores. And yet we still start most new games in a bar.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)21:42 No.12824473
    "smooooov it out"

    An old black dude played by a young white dude would always say this in this one game I'm playing right now. It's rapidly becoming a meme.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)21:43 No.12824484
    I bought 12 miles of silk rope once. They never let me live that down.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)21:53 No.12824606
    Player, in character to a Shadar-Kai NPC (though we did not know what it was at the time). "Look man, I'm a rogue type, you're a rogue type..."
    Can't for the life of me remember what he tried to follow that with because the whole table was laughing (Yes, the table. The inanimate wood was laughing.)
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)21:58 No.12824652
    "Plot convenience playhouse proudly presents...(insert dm fiat trope here)" whenever the players get hopelessly stuck and I don't want to spend all night getting them righted.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)22:16 No.12824893
    "It was a CHECK MARK!"

    This was the long running inside joke in my Dark Heresy group.

    Long story short, we were running Edge of Darkness as the introductory adventure. The party was a Techpriest, a Scum, A Guardsman and an Assassin. We had called the game right before a fight inside the alms house. We came back next week, and unfortunately, the scum's player couldn't be there so I NPC his character.

    The players make it to the second floor and run into one of the Homonculi which rolls a 2 on its sneak check to get the drop on the party. It bursts through a door and catches the Scum. At this point, I realize that the scum's player has terrible handwriting. He had his gun out at the time and obviously couldn't parry. We cannot figure out if he had Dodge Blow. The Homunculus swings, hits with it's chain cutter and gets Emperor's Fury, twice. Fortunately, the attack hits the most heavily armored part of the Scum's body and only manages to take him down to exactly 0 wounds.

    Next week, the Scum's player comes back and the conversation goes something like this.

    "Why do I have zero wounds left?"

    "You got hit with a chain cutter and you had your gun out."

    "Did you remember I had dodge blow?"

    "We couldn't read your writing."

    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)23:09 No.12825625
    There're a few from my old group.

    Every campaign we've ever played has been home to a bar called "The Randy Weasel"

    There's always at least one PC with a name like "Timothy William Parish" who dies horrific and painful deaths.

    And lastly "But what do the goblins do?"
    Our group was on land battling giants and a titan, who were trying to summon Xyxical while about a dozen dragons were battling in the air. The whole party was on the ground except for our fighter/sorcerer who was captaining the airship. At one point, he found himself loosing broadside after broadside on this one red dragon, and nothing was working, so he gets an idea.

    He takes some goblins we rescued from a dungeon, and loads them into the ballistae (4 of them) waits for the right moment, and launches them at the dragon (for a laugh) one of them misses and falls to his death, the other three latch onto the dragon. Next turn, dragon shakes two of them off, last goblin rolls hot to stay attached, and hits with his attack. Dragon fails to shake the goblin off AGAIN, the goblin crits on his attack. The DM says that the goblin is crawling up the dragon by using a pair of daggers as climbing picks.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)23:16 No.12825710


    Next turn, the dragon tries to shake the goblin off, and fails AGAIN. The goblin rolls another 20 on his attack, and the DM says that the goblin has climbed up to a wing, and started savaging it with his daggers
    and teeth.

    Turn after (we've long since stopped caring about our battle on the ground, and are simply going through the motions) The dragon fails once more to shake the goblin off, and holy shit, the goblin crits AGAIN.


    The goblin has left this dragon's wing in shambles. The dragon starts plummeting to the earth. Goblin passes his check to hold on.

    Next turn, dargon crashes into the ground, and the DM decides that this goblin has to face the dragon one last time, and rolls out of a heap of dragon wing-leather. The dragon looks at the goblin, licks its lips, the goblin throws a dagger, launches it into the creature's eye, and then runs the fuck away and hides in the bushes when it realizes just how big that dragon is. Those goblins are possibly the most beloved NPCs from the campaign.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)23:29 No.12825869
    Serpents are considered superpowerful pets since a "that guy" from our first group asked if he could tell his familiar to open a door (it didn't even have a knob, for Christ's sake).

    Same that guy's (character's) corpse is often brought up since it has been used as a meat shield for quite some time after we kicked him out of the group.

    "I can't wait to see how you're getting out of this". First said by the paladin, in-game, right before the cleric attempted a ridiculous bluff against guards.

    Generally "let's get this done quickly/fade to black" is followed by one player extensively describing what his character will be doing. More often than not, he's the one who says and does both of these things.

    Clerics of Siamorph are feared since the players encountered one who would rant endlessly about how great his deity was. They now always enquire about what god the local temple serves.

    When my players get suspicious about someone or in some other situations, they'll say "He's probably a balor". In reference to that one time a player wanted his character killed while in town so he could switch to a new one, and instead of bothering to stat a random guy killing him in a drunk fight I used a random monster's sheet - turned out to be the balor. Sometimes the same old arguments are brought up:
    > What the fuck was a balor doing there anyway!?
    > It was NOT a balor, it was just a human with the same rolls as a balor!
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)23:35 No.12825936
    Also, every time I or someone else suggests hiring an NPC or adding a PC to the group, he's usually met with a hostile "Fuck you, I'm not sharing my XP" from the rest of the party. Whether or not the extra help is actually needed, this has become the obligatory first reaction.
    >> Anonymous 11/16/10(Tue)23:38 No.12825953

    dodge blow? No such thing in DH.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)05:26 No.12828743
    Whenever one of my players doesn't show up; they gain teleportitis
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)05:35 No.12828776
    M&M, our group has a grappling martial artist with a device that grants a measure of super strength when injected into him (not superman level, but pretty fucking strong. Think Bane). And he bullies the villains.

    Not taunting them or anything, he just bullies the bastards every time. One mind-controller with a magical cane and a pimp hat had his cane snapped in two and was sat on while the guy tried on his pimp hat. A mad scientist with a super-laser never even got to fire it because this guy just grappled him and started dunking him in the sewer water. It reached a head when he tackled a power-armoured warlord in the depths of an airship, and... dragged him to the toilet and began giving him swirlies. Yeah, try being afraid of Doctor Doom expie when you can hear a member of your supergroup saying over the comms "What was that Von Poopy? You want ANOTHER flush, my you are persistent. *Flush*"

    The joke is people try to guess how he will humiliate a villain in the session, and every time he's outdone our guesses.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)08:46 No.12829756

    My groups generally have the same attitude, although we made an exception when our Bard rolled a nat 20 on his Diplomacy (which had a +30 something modifier) and we gained a nearly fanatical paladin follower who kicked ass and didn't demand loot or stop us from looting bodies, since we were using what we found to help us overthrow the dictator of the region. Or something.

    We also have a guy playing as a girl in almost every campaign, and s/he's usually a druid.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)10:11 No.12830119
    Dude "et. al" means "and other people." "Et cetera" means "and other things." Learn some latin before you start throwing it around.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)10:16 No.12830148
    Every time someone fails a perception check, they "See the sound of the sea". Every time someone critically fails a perception test the DM (me) didn't tell them to make, they tend ti see something that ends up giving them a healthy dose of insanity points.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)12:56 No.12831004
    We have quite a few in my group

    One of the first things said in the entire session of the first game I DM'd with these guys was "... is this a dick?" I was drawing out the map of the starting town and, sure enough, the way i had drawn it looked incredibly phallic. Unfortunately, now anything ever drawn on the battle mat probably resembles a dick in some way and the players are constantly reminding me.

    When we have to pause for a rules check, be it in combat or out, we have a mass effect-esque loading sequence of the party taking an incredibly slow elevator ride. "annnnnnnd... um... well, the stairs youre on become an elevator. you talk amongst yourselves"

    Also, "Im going to allow this!" my DM catchphrase for when the players come up with something just so off the wall insane that there are no rules for it. Incredibly epic shenanagins insue
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)13:06 No.12831055
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    Bump for moar!
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)13:18 No.12831129
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    D&D 3.5. Once we had a rule: if you died on the adventure, you would roll a new char but with half the level of the highest char alive. Two guys died. And they rolled new chars. One was level 1 and the other was level 2. I had forget about this rule (and I was the GM oh wow). So during their return to the adventure they were on some wood. Then this Level 7 Ranger pops up and shoot an arrow at one of them. I thought they were both level 6.
    > Fuck GM. The arrows kills me in one hit and i explode!
    > Yeah, and hen I see him dying I die myself from terror!
    And I was like, what... "oh shit you're level 1. So the arrow turns into leaves in mid flight and the ranger vanishes."
    I don't know why, but ever since this shit. No matter the game we're playing when someone fears an encounter or I describe an NPC as a bad ass, someone says: "oh shit run, it's the level 7 ranger". Even if they're epic level or something. The Level 7 Ranger had become like those Chuck Norris jokes.
    "The Level 7 Ranger could kill the Tarrasque with one punch."
    "Oh god the Level 7 Ranger did 9/11."
    "This puzzle is too hard, maybe we should call the Level 7 Ranger. Quickly! Make level 1 chars!"
    "Don't open that chest. The Level 7 Ranger is inside of it!"
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)13:23 No.12831167
    This guy once played a rogue. And he said: "Don't worry I know what I'm doing" And he botched royally a disable device and everyone got poisoned by some Gm shenanigan. The difficulty of the Fortitude roll was so high that everyone but the Fighter got blinded for several hours. Now when someone is gonna try a difficult skill roll someone else says: "don't worry he knows what he's doing." And we all laugh.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)17:12 No.12833183
    In the D&D group I'm in, one of the PCs had the ability to create psionic weapons and armor. As his backstory his village was destroyed by dragons, so as comfort he thinks about his favorite hat, and then he proceeds to describe it as semi-solid, semi-liquid.

    Then another PC says "So it's a Jello hat?"

    If someone mentions it we all burst out laughing.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)17:17 No.12833225
    Playing Shadowrun 3rd, one of our party members ended up possessed by the spirit of a German ghost. The ghost started yelling out in German.

    Player: Wait, what did he say?
    GM: How many ranks in German do you have?
    Player: Uh...none.
    GM: Well, then he said "GERMAN GERMAN GERMAN!"

    So, "German German German" is now used whenever something is completely nonsensical.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)17:20 No.12833247
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    "Jaborius, shoot him in the leg"

    My character had just had an encounter with a giant rune covered floating stone-artifact-type-thing and started to trace some of the runes in the air, in the general direction of another player to see what would happen. He starts floating. I trace more runes in his direction, eventually making him glow green, losing my ear, among other effects. He yells at his companion, a centaur named Jaborius, to shoot me in the leg.

    We've repeated that every time I screw around with rune magic.
    >> Alpharius 11/17/10(Wed)17:25 No.12833291
    Without fail, every single 'boss' encounter will be destroyed in some ridiculous fashion during the first round, but a small group of very weak foes will always put us in the negatives.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)17:26 No.12833300

    Nice dubs but shitty inside joke.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)17:28 No.12833324
    If you knew German, even if it's little more than ich habe nicht idee you should have said it in German just to throw them off.

    But only if you're certain no one there knows German.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)17:28 No.12833325
    my group has "chinastan"
    player tries to metagame where the zombie organs came from.
    player goes "World War Z says they're from China."
    DM: "... it says a middle eastern country"
    player "Chinastan then"

    and now every campaign has a chinastan and any other country is Chinastan.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)17:38 No.12833440
    falling rock traps, particularly boulders.
    This came about one campaign, where a player died 6, count 'em 6, times from boulder traps. And the saddest part? all of his characters were min/maxed Ninjas and Rogues with high reflex saves. The highest roll he got on any of those rolls was a 4. That's right. six REF saves with a dexterity-based character and he failed horribly each time. Now, whenever something is trapped, no matter what the trap actually is, if the group accidentally sets it off, rolls a nat 1 to save or is being particularly fucktarded, a boulder will drop out of fucking nowhere. This has even happened while flying; the group was opening a large door/portal/thing to another dimension while using fly, the rogue flubs the disarm roll and a meteorite hits him. The GM and I think it's hilarious, but most of the other players (especially the ones that like to be lolrandom) are getting fairly annoyed.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)17:45 No.12833520
    One time I made a character based on a high school teacher of mine. He has appeared in every campaign since in one form or another, always adding a great deal of humor to the situation.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)17:48 No.12833554
    Was the dogs' name What The Fuck?
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:00 No.12833699
    All the muggers in our games start their mugging attempts the phrase: "Wanna buy a club, guv'ner?"
    All the equipment we acquire are "brand new, barely used".
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:04 No.12833752
    There's a powerful magical class, possibly the most powerful in the cosmos: it is known as the diplomancer.

    Nobody suspects the tiny adorable bard to be any threat but with his +40 to diplomacy nothing could stop him. Demons would befriend him on a whim, dragons would part with their hard earned hoards, women (and men) for miles would disrobe and present themselves with but a wink from the mighty diplomancer. The last part was the worst part: If the diplomancer wasn't a scheming con man (and even when he was) you could be sure he would be sleeping with literally everything the dm presents to you. Nothing matters; gender, race, species, age, size category: NOTHING!!!
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:15 No.12833867
    >"So, I see two of you rolled Josh characters."

    Josh used to be a member of our gaming group before he moved away, and always, ALWAYS made hit-punch characters with no regard to backstory or motivation. We told him this, and as soon as one of his hit-punchy characters, nicknamed "Ghost" by himself, died, he made a new character. We asked what made this one different. She was a woman brawler and hit-punched, but she was a rape victim, a point which I made damn sure NEVER came up, and my players made sure ALWAYS came up. She nicknamed herself "Spectre".

    >"Not red. More of a crimson, really."

    Cultist minions either wear black or crimson robes. Always. Except for the weird ones, they wear green. Players sometimes forget this and ask if their robes are red. They get corrected.


    Tine is the name of a throw-away NPC my party met at the beginning of our long-running D&D campaign. He was a court wizard who had the misfortune of coming to serve the court at much the same time a malignant cult started fucking shit up, and so we instantly assumed he was up to no good. The cult eventually took over the castle of Tine's lord and killed Tine, us finding him in his dying moments.

    Our party now half jokingly/half actually supposes Tine is a time-travelling archmage who faked his death and is playing us all like chumps. He is every NPC we've ever met (they all talk with the same voice, TINE'S voice!) and every single non-player character. We have reason to suspect he might also be a few player characters too.

    We keep joking about getting a huge Glen Beck esque conspiracy board to chart out all the shit that Tine is connected to.

    Also, by virtue of his name being "Tine", he has mastery over all forks and fork-related materials.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:15 No.12833868
    A couple of the more memorable inside jokes in my group are "Do they have an airship?", "I have read Harak Carask's guide to x" and "I hide my face behind an old newspaper" and all of them stems from a single Exalted game. The airship one was, almost without fail, the first question we posed every single time we came upon a new group/person/place, since we rather needed one at the time. The second one, well, I think a quote from the game will suffice for summing it up:

    Blace: "And I also say I know another Teahouse"
    Ezekiel "Do you know every teahouse in the Creation?"
    Blace "Most. I have read the Harek Carask's Guide to Teahouses three times"

    Blace being our resident mad Dragon-Blood at the time and Ezekiel being a heroic mortal.

    The newspaper one, as well, was cooked up by Blace's player as a way to explain how a full-plate wearing Dragon-Blood manages to sneak past two guards.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:20 No.12833911
    I have been laughing SO hard.
    On the other hand, the only story of the sort I can think of is the Wagon Incident.

    So, back when I was a stupid teenager, I had a homebrew catfolk sorcerer pyromaniac whose name was a pun from Dealing with Dragons. I fully intend to replace him next time I see my DM and apologize for inflicting him on him, but that's neither here nor there.

    Anyway. Since none of my other friends played D&D at the time, it was just the DM and I playing. There was a graveyard with a tower in the center full of undead three days from where we were at the time, so I decided we'd raid the ever-loving hell out of it. As the last time I'd tangled with undead we tunneled out of a sewer to escape a pack of ghouls, I decided to grab some tools, a cleric, and because I was a pyro, two barrels of alchemist's fire-but not just ANY alchemist's fire, ENRICHED alchemist's fire.

    This wagon was also the party's base, so we kept everything in it; extra magic items, our gold (we'd carry silver and copper personally) and now this hideously explosive fantasy napalm.

    About a day out from the city in question, the DM cackles and digs out his shiny new Draconomicon, and I immediately panic. Being 6th level, I finally had access to Fireball, so when...something latches onto the stoner druid-wizard, so, with great presence of mind and absolutely no common sense whatsoever, I Fireballed it.

    There were about two rounds of panicked flailing before the fire reached the Alchemist's Fire barrels.

    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:20 No.12833919
    >What are your groups inside jokes?

    "One fish,
    Two fish,
    Red fish,
    I'm a vampire."

    ...don't ask.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:21 No.12833924

    I'm flung free of the wreck. Fighter McLargeHuge is flung free of the wreck. Druid-wizard is dead. Cleric we hired for this adventure is dead. Rogue, on her horse, is galloping screaming in the other direction.

    Upon reaching a more or less stable state, I check to find out what the thing that ruined our shit was.

    Turns out it's a Plains Drake. Basically the weakest thing in the entire book.

    I coup de grace the stunned drake, scoop up a thousand gold from our stuff, loot the drake's hoard (500 gold and an amethyst) bury the two dead party members, and sneak back to town with my tail metaphorically and literally between my legs to ask the caravan we'd been travelling with to take us back on.

    Long story short, we were wanted for murder, Rogue never came back, Fighter and I managed to beat another dungeon to get enough money to rezz the two party members I killed with the help of three Elves, and the DM breaks out in the giggles every time I say "Wagon."
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:23 No.12833949
    Dirty Hobbes, This pornographic novella end up in the BBEG's person stash of loot no matter what it is. Mindflayers, dragons, bandits, even inside of a hydra one time
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:27 No.12833987
    My last group, when faced with any difficulty, immediately said "I kill Sam." Why? Because there were three situations over the course of two years where that was a legitimate solution to a problem.

    I'm Sam, by the way.

    I found it less amusing than they did.

    With my new group, which has yet to kill me (though it's already been considered. I didn't even DO anything!), one of the running jokes is to apologize to the girl in the group whenever the DM forgets to make his monologues gender-neutral ("When only one of you is left standing, I shall take him--" "Sorry, Carley." "--back to my chambers, and he--" "Sorry, Carley." "--shall be my champion!"). It happens a lot, considering we point it out.

    Another running joke is that our CE team members want to burn down anything we come across. Including buildings we're in, monsters we've already killed, nobles that are impolite, etc. Come to think of it, this will cease to be a running joke the first time we fail to talk them out of it.

    As of last session, our fighter may or may not be carrying around a specially-designed bag of holding full of shields. They exist only for him to use as an improvised throwing weapon.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:32 No.12834051
    Once when we were playing a game of DnD the DM was trying to describe this opening scene in a town, laying it on thick; "The alleyways are crisp with the bones of rats and refuse, the air is thick with the stink of the undercity, but as you walk further you see a carriage rolling by, and the castle in the dista"
    "What's in the carriage?"
    "What? The castle is.."
    And you can see that he's crushed by us asking about this supposedly trivial thing, he just glares at us like we're the devil and he spits out

    And now every time there's ever a carriage, it is full of goblins. It shows up even in Werewolf or Exalted or fucking Mage or Trinity, and we love him for it.

    I was a lizardman wizard once, and I tried to get over a wall obviously against the DM's plan, and I rolled a shitty ass roll. But a friend rolled a nat 20; The DM responds: "You fucking CHARLESTON up the wall, and over onto the other side" and he opens a postern gate for me.
    Now we Charleston across all obstacles.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)18:35 No.12834086
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)19:14 No.12834538
    We had a guy playing a minotaur and a guy playing a wemic once. This normally wouldn't have been a big deal, but this was 2e and they were quite a bit more powerful than the rest of the party. They were also shitty players, so that hurt as well.

    We also had a player playing an evil aligned wizard. Which wasn't actually a problem even though the rest of us were good aligned.

    The wizard managed to assassinate both of our monstrous friends without any of the good aligned characters finding out. When we asked the wizard what happened to the minotaur and wemic, he responded with "What minotaur and wemic?"

    We decided it was best to not pry and go about our adventure. From then on, whenever an annoying character would die, someone would always say that line.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)19:23 No.12834628
    One of our group was playing a vampire rogue. Another one was playing a Greathorn Minotaur barbarian. At one point an Astral Deva shows up, and the Vampire damn near shits himself. He fails a will save, and seeks the closest place to hide, which happens to be under the loin cloth of a certain unconscious minotaur.

    "Dude, if you're under my loin cloth, my testicles are in your face."

    "No, Jeremy, shut up."

    "DM, roll for it."

    DM rolls.

    "You find shelter underneath the testicles of the minotaur. You feel icky."

    Funniest part is that the guy playing the Vampire keeps getting his character killed, and everyone since then has ended up under the testicles of something or another. We even have our own hand signal for "Shelter under balls". Spock your fingers, invert your hand and cover your eyes.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)19:43 No.12834868
    I can not stop laughing
    I'm going to die
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)19:46 No.12834915
    >We even have our own hand signal for "Shelter under balls".

    I lost it right there.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)19:53 No.12835000

    We've got more than a few in-jokes in our group, mostly stemming from the retarded amount of TPK's in our sessions. Each time we die, we make our characters more and more absurd. One player is now a racist warforged warlock named Uncle Ruckus. He's convinced that he is a human that got polymorphed into a construct. He calls non-constructs "Squishies" as in, "Yall squishies wanna see somethin' that'll blow yall squishy minds?" He also has a vehement hatred of constructs. One time, while negotiating, he made a king agree to "Put them rusty tin bastards in the fields, where they belong."

    He also rides a donkey named Cadillac.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)19:53 No.12835004
    One of the best threads in a while, /tg/

    Anyhow, let's see what I can come up with.

    Ok, firstly, there is the manliest method of transportation ever devised by mankind: The Torture Cart.

    Firstly, when I make rogues, I tend to take the Jack of All Trades feat. We had recently raided a temple of Nerull, and the DM had decided that all the enemies would be wearing tasty 1,500 gp Full Plate (We were about level 2 at the moment). The DM didn't want us taking all this treasure home, so he had a rockslide crush our cart as we were about to exit the dungeon.

    Does the money loving rogue accept that all this heavy, expensive gear will never get back to town? Fuck. No. He goes back into the temple's torture chamber, rolls a bunch of disable device checks to take apart the various devices and then rolls a natural fucking 20 on a Profession (Cartwright) Check. Thing granted us an instant success on intimidating a band of trolls on our way back.

    Next up, we have more shenanigans involving the Jack of All Trades feat. First of all, it gets abused for whatever knowledge skill we would need. It gets abused even more when that skill fails, leading to the secondary skill checks such as Profession (Owlbearologist). A scientist who specializes in the study of Owlbears. Whenever anyone abuses this feat, they made a Profession (Owlbearologist) check.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)19:59 No.12835080
    Our sorcerer has obscene ranks in bluff and Craft (Tall Tales). He actually used this to increase the reputation of our party's Chaotic Good Tiefling Fighter. This worked for the most part, until he rolled a 1 and tried to boost her reputation with a story about her losing a beauty pageant judged by a Mindflayer. Now, natural 1s on any kind of social checks result in the phrase "But I do know this one story about a Mindflayer beauty pageant."

    Next, the Monk rolled a 1 attacking an inanimate, stuffed Owlbear (What is with us and Owlbears?). This resulted in "Whoops, dropped my fist." Failed spot/search/Listen checks now result in people harmlessly "Dropping" the respective body parts.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)20:04 No.12835150
    Cont Still
    Churches are all cursed. If our characters in one of our campaigns enter a church, there will be a massive fight, and we will get captured by the BBEG of the month. Church of Hextor? That makes sense. We broke up their sacrifice and they tried to kill us. Church of Pelor though? That was a new one. Mind you, this is a Lawful Goodish campaign.

    We don't screw with churches anymore.

    Finally: Little lines flow from campaign to campaign. "Adventurers" as an insult thrown around by NPCs with levels in the class "Badass Shopkeeper", "Pawns" our Villains all titter, and lastly, whenever we make a pointless sensory check, we will hear Waluigi in the background going "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)20:22 No.12835441
    My Eon group has a good one; "But I can cook too!", a quote from a kinda fail-powergamey player, see, in Eon, you mark up the skills you're using over the cpurse of a session/adventure/campaign, and when the time is right, often at the end of aforementioned timespan, you get to roll 3d6, replacing "6" with two new dice and rolling again, to see if you get to raise the skill, so he tried using any imaginable skill at any time, just to mark it for "upgradeable".

    This of course devolved into people mockingly combining multiple skills to mark as many as possible, such as "I CLIMB the tre, SINGING a song in SAKHRA that our Tirac (kinka orcish) player has begun teaching me, to SCOUT for enemy movement, while my meal is COOKING down below.

    To cite a tame example. And no, many of those skills don't really work that way, and it's mostly used for combat related skills to simulate picking up new tricks along the way, plus, all things come down to the GM, who basically is the all-out ruler whether you get attempt increasing skills or not.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)20:27 No.12835508
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    a magi-gun toting dwarf ally NPC in my game developed the habit of saying "I'm right behind ya, Max!" to one of the pc's when they went to do something.
    Eventually this turned into a special ability he had, which allows him to shift along side the PC during his moment action.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)20:30 No.12835553
    Any failed spot check, "the sun comes up and blinds you." Effective indoors, at night, etc.

    Amusingly enough, it started in a Star Wars campaign.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)20:32 No.12835573
    Holy shit I'm dying
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)20:49 No.12835841
    the phrase "We're having a brawl." is, if uttered in a tavern, capable of starting a Tortuga style barfight, regardless of the likelyhood of it actually working.

    also, borrowing from Hitchiker's Guide, if you throw yourself at the ground and miss (ie natural 1) you fly.

    captcha: very gridipsy

    ...very gridipsy indeed
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:00 No.12836011
    I've got a few:
    One of my friends DMs most of our campaigns, DnD, WoD, that sort of thing. He has a habit of making big, detailed maps for the important story areas and then showing them to us. Every time, the first chance we get, we say that we're quitting the quest to become pirates.
    Another of us had a WoD character who was the size of a fridge with hams for limbs who had a penchant for attacking an NPC in mid-explanation with his weapon of choice, Tomahawks. Since then, its just been a joke for us to yell that whenever we surprise attack.
    And lastly, in a DnD game, we had a druid PC who called out for an animal to assist us during combat once, and during its attack rolls, it rolled straight twenties. Brobear has been a longstanding legend for us.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:08 No.12836108
    While me and some friends were playing a light hearted campaign I made them go through a labyrinth I had drawn up. Using markings they were able to get through it pretty quickly, however, one of them got absolutely livid because he continually forgot which directions they had gone at what markings. So when they get to the end they find a minotaur who is there to congratulate them, the friend who is currently angry rushes forward and crits the minotaur, I just say it's dead for the lulz. So now, whenever they come upon a monster that is generally considered evil they force the friend to walk up and ask if it's evil.

    Also, while playing that same campaign they are standing in front of a set of double doors and while trying to discuss a game plan for if there's an encounter behind them one of them exclaims "Okay, so there's got to be a room behind that door!"
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:13 No.12836191
    Our shaman has a bad habit of sending in his spirit companion to scout things out without giving it much though, since he can simply re-summon it if it dies. It's become a running gag to have the spirit animal die in increasingly gruesome and bizarre ways.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:15 No.12836216
    While playing a game our group was hired to find a Wizard's apprentice who had stolen several of his books and ingredients and what not. So as we approached a town, out of nowhere our bard starts sniffing the air and yells "SMELLS LIKE NECROMANCY!" Lo and behold, the DM just freezes for a moment before announcing the appearance of some zombies. Not exactly the most difficult thing to guess. But as we are going into his "underground lair" the bard sniffs the air again and says "SMELLS LIKE A MIND FLAYER." The DM freezes again and then pulls out a mind flayer we subsequently run the fuck away from. The DM was new, and a good friend, so we forgave him.

    Anyway, so whenever we go somewhere it's customary for one of us to yell "SMELLS LIKE [Insert Random Creature Here]".
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:18 No.12836254
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:19 No.12836259
    During a particularly lethal campaign, somebody in our party would die every single session and we came close to TPW on two or three seperate occaisions. Eventually it got so out of hand that our DM introduced the Medical Eagle, a giant eagle who would fly into combat, stabilize dying PCs and carry crippled or dead ones back to town.

    We also had the Metagaming Ninja, who performed sneak attacks on players who kept using meta knowledge despite reminders not to.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:25 No.12836346
    In an age long past, Kord and Wee Jas once fell in love, married, and then shortly after, divorced. To this day, Kord's realm is deluged with paperwork.

    The story began because in our party there was a favored soul of Kord and a gnomish cleric of Wee Jas, who didn't get along. The cleric of Kord got his head cut off, and in an effort to provide a suitable memorial, my cleric sewed his head back on and ad-libbed the legend of Mighty Kord getting the digits of The Red Queen.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:26 No.12836359
    Every campaign I run, the first combat involves baboons. This wasn't intentional, it just happened three times in a row and I took then trend and ran with it.

    Also, animated objects are no longer viable random encounters after I rolled a gargantuan one and went "what the fuck is a gargantuan object they won't think is a golem and flip out over? uh..."

    "You heard me."
    >> Bi-polar Hernandez !KuKq0dYqkQ 11/17/10(Wed)21:29 No.12836409
    One of the guys in my group survived everything, cheated Death, played Rock, Paper, Scissors with Death, and played games with his daughter. When the character finally died, it was assumed he became a demigod, which featured in the next campaign.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:36 No.12836493
    Bitch tons in my group.
    One of the PCs never gives ANYTHING on his character. No name, no gender, no age, nothing. He is just "Dwarf" (this is the same guy who, when asked what he wanted on his pizza thought for a moment and answered "MAH COCK!"). He does this chronically. Several cases have arisen where one of us has made a new character to replace a dead one and ends up in combat with nothing but stats. This has led to a running joke that such descriptionless characters are card-board cutouts that can be purchased, called "Genero-[class]". Popular models include "Fightor MacFightor" and "Dwarf".

    I once started searching around a room with nothing in it for something, anything, useful. The DM got fed up and gave me a cat that could point me in the right direction once per day. He thought it would be a helpful plot point, but I turned Milo (the cat) into a bit of a mascot. When I asked him where to go, he had an odd habit of nazi-saluting in the right direction and simply going "Mow". One day came I asked the little bastard where to go when we were on some plane, and the DM stopped for a minute before saying "The cat ponders how to point between dimensions" as he tapped a paw to his mouth before finally crossing his paws, pointing LeftRight. To this day, it is best to refrain from using that word, because it will set the whole table of, meowing like cats.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:51 No.12836681
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    Let me guess, your DM likes Brawl in the Family.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)21:56 No.12836731
    In one of my groups, I had a pet piggy that I used to as a guinea pig for traps and potions. The other players were quite offended when I tied a rope around it and tossed it through a portal. I pulled him back and he was just fine, and therefore, the portal was safe. However, that character ended up being thrown in jail and leaving the group so that I could play a new character (the dude with the pig was my newbie proto-character). My pig didn't go to jail with me and it got adopted by our the psycho-jester-bitch of our group and became her (his) mascot. Unfortunately the piggy eventually got left in a bakery's oven when fleeing some authorities.

    I eventually got an opportunity to DM for the same group, and as a minor distraction, I put a bunny into one of the confessional stalls in the church the players were exploring. They closed the door and reopened it and it was gone. The bunny then appeared in each of the other stalls, teleporting about. The players now always keep their eyes out for the recurring magical teleporting bunny. Just don't pick it up. It bites.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)22:21 No.12836986
    My group traditionally has been slow to get its shit together once everyone arrives and ordered pizza, so a reoccuring meme is:

    "Damnit guys, its X o'clock and we haven't even done anything yet"

    This is uttered regardless of how much actual progress is achieved.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)22:25 No.12837022
    My players Excuses for not showing up.

    David: I'm sick.
    Ian: I have a life.
    Brook: I'm sleepy
    Chris: I have Drama
    Curtis: It's my birthday.

    Also, they have a nasty tendency to invite a random person over without telling me.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)22:39 No.12837142
    Not really an inside joke, but one of the funnier stories our DM has told us about a previous gaming group.
    One player was playing a stereotypical stupid half-orc barbarian. Once he ran out of useful skills to spend points on, he dumped the rest into cooking. Hilarity ensued.
    *Party wakes up to find barbarian with omelets.*
    Other Player: "What are those?"
    Barbarian: "Omelet."
    Other Player: "What are these berries." (Asking for type to make sure they're safe to eat)
    Barbarian: "Garnish."
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)22:44 No.12837178
    My group had a druid that liked to sneak around, using an animal he had summoned prior to scout places he was unsure about. His favorite was a small viper he named "Tony Mambo". Eventually Tony was noticed and killed by a band of mercenaries. The druid immediately burst forward to recover the corpse of his favorite pet and ran off to bury it. Ever since then every snake we've fought is a relative to Tony and focuses on the druid for getting him killed.

    We also had two NPCs that were essentially Pat Morita and Christopher Walken in a Dark Heresy game. Through a very long process of convincing the two to hate each other (for the lulz) it ended in Christopher Walken beating Pat Morita to death with a jelly donut, meanwhile one of the players started playing "I will Remember You" on their computer. Ever since then, whenever an NPC dies someone will sing the chorus to "I will Remember You"
    >> Sorain 11/17/10(Wed)22:45 No.12837192
    "he's with us."
    That line, uttered by the new guy playing his first TTRPG, managed to Derail the entire Dark Heresy campagin.

    "Run up the tree."
    A vampire wizard is casting from the top of a tree. The fighter asks how high up he is. It is 30 feet. He moves 30 feet a round, in fullplate. He runs up the tree and kills the wizard in one stroke.

    "Damn it Sorain!"
    My first RPG charicter, scorc who juggled fireball beads when bored, then casually discarded them into wooden buildings. (and once an entire ambush which promptly died) Caused so much trouble this is a gag.

    "Oh my god, ITS A ROCK!"
    "Damn it, you found me."
    Ninja natural 20's hide, I tell him he is now the least conspiqus thing in the area. Fighter natural 1's perception, I tell him that. Ninja's player makes the connection instantly, and says the second line.

    Authentic French Rack
    Current game of Adeptus Evangelion, one of the pilots is a french girl who collects torture equipment. As a reward she got an Authentic French Rack. It took me 10 seconds to realize how bad that sounded, I will never live it down.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)22:49 No.12837214
    I was part of a large party fo low level evil PCs once. We were exploring a cave system for some reason and one party member fell down a chasm. It was deep enough he couldn't climb out, but not so deep we couldn't see him, and apparently nobody had any rope at all. Some bizarre stone undead thing that lived at the bottom of the hole showed up and began raping the isolated player noisily as the rest of the party watched uncomfortably.

    A lengthy, detailed, grisly death and two rooms later, the Kenku rogue pulls out some rope to help tie up an NPC. Like, 80ft of silk rope. It took two minutes of the DM staring at us disbelievingly for anybody to catch on.

    Hoo, was the dead player pissed off.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)22:56 No.12837268
    Indeed he does. He's revealed at the end of this Diablo 2 campaign we're running, the following will occur.

    Diablo summons, then gets curb stomped by Waluigi.
    "You were expecting Diablo? Too bad. Waluigi time." and then we fight Waluigi.

    The campaign is made of siliness. We have holy hobo, a midget gunner, and a gnome and moogle pokemon trainer. What was our first confrontation with eachother? A pokemon battle? No. We had a rockoff.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)22:58 No.12837283
    "Is it an evil tree or a good tree, who wants to sing us a song?"

    "Jehovah's Witness Protection Program."

    "Those who do not own a shovel will be forced to dig their own grave with their bare hands."

    "I will bitch-slap you with the force of ten thousand [racial name] [occupation]."
    Previous combination include:
    >Chinese landladies
    >Greek bankers
    >Guatemalan pimps
    >Iraqi fishmongers
    >Irish perverts
    >Dutch mechanics
    >> Sorain 11/17/10(Wed)23:02 No.12837320
    "Jell-o that tastes you."

    Concerning Gelatinous Cubes…
    Makoto the Trent – “So its like Jell-O”
    Sorain the uberDM – “No, its evil Jell-O”
    Makoto the Trent – “Have you tasted Jell-O lately”
    Sorain the uberDM – “This is Jell-O that tastes you!”

    bear traps:
    Makoto- “I think they are laying bear traps.”
    DM- Why would they do that?”
    Makoto- “To trap bears. What else?”
    >> Sorain 11/17/10(Wed)23:29 No.12837613
    Magical Maps and Bounty Hunters:

    DM – “On the other hand, there are at least 49 other bounty hunters who know exactly where to find you!”
    Justin – “Cool, that means we don’t have to go find them!”

    Magical map showing their location on it, along with all the other copys of the map.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)23:40 No.12837735
    It´s not really a "inside joke", but in our group, whenever you change characters without a good reason, the previous one dies in a horrible, gruesome manner.
    The reason for this is that one of our players used to switch characters a LOT, one time even playing a character for a single session before deciding to scrap him and make a new one. To stop him from doing that, the DM decided that every time he switched characters his previous one would die horribly. Nowadays, it´s expanded to everyone.
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)23:44 No.12837778
    Once when we were playing Dungeons and Dragons, we found some magical bronze statue of a griffon, and one player looked it up in the DMG. When another player asked what it did, the player who looked it up immediately snapped "It's worth 10,000gp, that's what it does."

    So whenever someone asks whatever something does, the standard reply now is to declare how much it's worth.

    That guy was a fun player. One time I found a +1 dagger with a +2 named enchantment that I don't remember, and his comment on it was "Dude, that's like a +3 dagger... That's a whole shitload of dagger."
    >> Anonymous 11/17/10(Wed)23:49 No.12837832
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    One joke is that whenever someone has blessed casted on them they turn into BRIAN BLESSED and have to speak that way while under blessed
    >> Vice !!SOT0y3VlD46 11/18/10(Thu)01:05 No.12838721
    "Fuck, I rolled a 12"

    For some reason, we established that the reason often wore heavy armor was because they were so naturally buoyant that they'd float away if they weren't wearing armor. The DM had a wizard (who had been stalking us sneakily) cast telekenesis on our dwarf when he removed his armor. In the attempt to stop himself from floating upward, he rolled to grab a hold of a nearby character (actually a hidden will save against the spell, clutch move by mr. DM). He needed a 13.

    *ba dum tsh*
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)01:20 No.12838877
    "I am the Duke of the Talenta Plains."
    I, as DM, mistakenly put a crown and cape in a previous treasure as "art" items, with a bard in the party. Then, had city-level authorities attempt to enforce martial law.

    "Guys, don't hurt them!"
    This line from a vow of non-violence cleric of Pelor wouldn't have gained notoriety if it weren't for the air elementals encountered in a dungeon, who were very territorial and brought up the racial obligations the cleric has to them as a protector.

    "Is like choker!"
    A Russian-accented character was at one point looking for a very tightly fitting necklace, asking if the there were any "rings" - the shopkeep corrected him with "You mean a choker?"
    "No, choker is gray creature, kill you in face. I want ring."
    >> Vice !!SOT0y3VlD46 11/18/10(Thu)01:25 No.12838933
    >The reason dwarves wear heavy armor

    I failed a bit there.

    Other things I was remembering

    "You're struck by DM lightning"
    I randomly assigned someone d4 damage so they'd shut up. I assigned them d4 damage again when they didn't. To this day, I can pick up a d4 and offtopic conversations tend to stop.
    "Davlin Barrelfag"
    This is the name given to every Gnome NPC ever, regardless of what the actual name is. One of the PC's created "Davlin Barrelgage", a gnome inventor. Davlin pretty much failed at absolutely everything and was eventually discarded as an underpowered weakling.
    "Can I grapple it?"
    I decided to create a Monk whose focus was on greco-roman wrestling technique. We'd hunted down an undead, 4-armed Dire Bear. It charged down our paladin and almost killed him in one turn (crits suck). I took a 5-ft step in and asked "Can I grapple it?" The DM laughed, and said "Sure, go for it". Nat 20. Next turn? Nat 20. I pinned a 4-armed undead DIRE bear. Now, every time we face down some gigantic monstrosity, it seems someone says.... Yeah.. you know.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)01:31 No.12839004
    "Rock is now the most important member of the party."

    It is now standard that all my PC's carry at least one rock with them at all times.

    It has saved me from countless traps. It started with a DC 25 acid trap in a 3.5 game. The rogue has previously mocked my PC for picking one up (being a fighter and all, what could I do about traps). Well one failed check by our trap finder and one successful luck roll later and a whole corridor of dead goblins and troll, no one asked why my characters carry a rock anymore.
    >> D-ko 11/18/10(Thu)01:56 No.12839236
    In my old D&D group, the underworld ruler was based off Rodney Dangerfield. Everytime he made a joke a little demon would appear and do the bum bum tish on a drum set before dissapearing.

    Eventually all our games have it happen once or twice now when someone makes a joke.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)02:38 No.12839647

    Haha, holy shit. We had an Adventure! game and our GM did the same thing.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)02:44 No.12839706
    "I'M A TREE!"

    Said by a player who rolled particularly well on a bluff.

    He was being chased by the city guard, and after eventually realizing he couldn't outrun them, ran around a corner, turned around, and shouted that when the guard followed him around.

    guard turned back the other way mumbling to himself about why there was a tree in the middle of the road.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)03:04 No.12839925
    >Elder Scrolls: Oblvion: The RPG
    >> Cerebrate Anon 11/18/10(Thu)03:29 No.12840176
    You roll a nat 20, and you could tell him that HE's a tree. He'll immediately put out his arms and wonder why he can't feel his roots.

    That's how I'd deal with it, anyway. Fuck simulationism. It's more fun this way.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)03:36 No.12840237
    >Sir, what are you doing in this cave?
    Um... nothing, really. I'm a woodsman... doing woodsman things! Yeah, thats exactly what I do here.
    >In a cave? Seriously?
    Of course! You know nothing about woodsman things, right? I need to get this rare wood from underground trees.
    >Um... Okayyy. Carry on .I don't want to get between man and his wood. So to speak.
    >> High Fructose Corn Syrup !!9H5gso8egDW 11/18/10(Thu)05:56 No.12841341
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    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)09:17 No.12842490
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    Any more of these gems, /tg/?
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)10:19 No.12842739
    Two kinda boring

    "We believe in our hero."

    While I am a TTRPG nerd most of my players are mainly vidya nerds, more specifically Nintendo nerds. One of the things they have done is to organise game marathons, where they take all or most of the games from one particular series and finish them in 2-3 days of constant gaming while recording this with a video camera. One line from one of these (a Zelda or Final Fantasy marathon) was when someone was going to face a boss after having lost against it some four-five times that "We believe in our hero... or do we?" As such it has since then been said whenever someone is going to do something hard and/or important.

    Another thing from these marathons is the tradition to slap anybody who says "Game on!" It began in a clip from before the start of a marathon where they talk about the upcoming gaming, where one says that it is "Game on!" and another guy high-fiving him. However, from the camera's perspective it seems he slaps the guy in the face really hard. That same guy has since then upheld that he will slap anyone who says it.
    >> DM 11/18/10(Thu)12:15 No.12843480
    two female Tattooed monk/Sorceress' one a Tiefling and one an Aasimar screamed this because they could infinitely boost each others charisma by touching each-other, and infinite charisma on a sorcerer can kill GODS.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)12:19 No.12843507
    Someone needs to writefag this NOW!
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)12:19 No.12843508
         File1290100746.png-(1.52 MB, 1110x899, 1252117640502.png)
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    Did they look kinda like this, maybe?
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)12:28 No.12843578
    The recurring NPCs and villains of my Star Wars campaign often found themselves subject to nicknaming - generally, names of people they'd played with on XBox Live and found amusing.

    The recurring antagonist of the first campaign, a bounty hunter intent on capturing or killing the party's unwitting BBEGPC, was coined Angerface. "Angerface appears, roll Fortitude to not die" and variations of that were commonplace in sessions following his introduction, even after they killed him off.

    "Mmmmwwwwmmmmm" was the name given to this Force Adept assassin who was somewhat allied with the Lawful Evil antagonist of campaign two. It's just kinda fun to say.

    A planet very near Naboo which went unidentified by the players altogether became referred to as "that horrible place" after increasingly unfortunate events and bad rolls cost them the party's Force Adept, all the spoils of the last planet, and the loyalty of the last person in the galaxy who might've NOT tried to kill them.
    >> DM 11/18/10(Thu)12:31 No.12843590
    A little, their name's were Charisma Armageddon, and
    Slut-fist, by the way.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)12:31 No.12843595
    >Charisma Armageddon
    This is the single greatest name ever. Whoever that player was, fucking give that guy a trophy.
    >> DM 11/18/10(Thu)12:34 No.12843618
    NPC, I made her she was the Tiefling.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)13:36 No.12844045
    a player of mine, kinda newbish when he started playing with us, has been absolute GOLD for spawning these.

    power attack and leap attack were one of his fav tactics, but every time he "jumped down" at something, say, off of a ledge, cart, boat, etc onto something on a lower elevation, he would invariably end up raped, dying, and usualy costing the party a couple grand in diamonds. now, whenever someone does something immesurably stupid, something they have no skill at, or something they're simply cursed with horrible luck with "jumping down" is referenced.

    same character and another character went into an arena they were known to frequent to fight as gladiators. they walk into the arena, and the anouncer anounces, in a very "lets get ready to RUUUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLE!" way, that they're there for a tea party. in the center of the arena is a small, elegant table and chairs, with a fine tea set, hot tea, etc. with the works, crumpets and doilies and all. dwarf sits down to have tea, while the elf (the newbish joke-spawning guy) picks up the tea jug and starts guzzling (scalding hot) tea.

    the dwarf says "really? REALLY? ALL the tea?!"

    the elf says, after spewing tea out "sorry, what? I was busy drinking all the tea..."

    then the anouncer corrected himself, pointing out it was a Tea-REX party, and the tea party was rushed by a berserking tyrannosaurus, slaying both PCs after a few rounds of their comically ineffective attempts to survive.

    now "ALL teh tea?!" comes up wheever someone finishes the cheetos, soda, tea, healing potions, etc without sharing, and Tea-REX party comes up whenever DM-dickery or nasty surprises come up.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)13:49 No.12844174
    in the same campaign, when faced with a den of yuan-ti assassins, a captured yuan-ti sorcerer, the prospect of torturing, killing, or releasing said captive, and general party distopia, unable to agree on a course of action, the session ended, and the players, all so fed up with the situation, each other, and me, decided to "take a break" from that game, and new characters were rolled, a different player decided to take up DMing, and experienced my pain and anger when the SAME SITUATION derailed his game and broke the party AGAIN. they simply cannot agree on a morally sound course when handling prisoners, and ran into MANY communication problems.

    after a time, in our next campaign, when half the party spent more than 2 hours watching the others play because they jumped the gun while we were stuck on a fucking 4 hour gather information roll, they bitched the DM and other players down for making them effectively sit the whole fucking session out. the solution came up with was, if someone felt they weren't being provided an adaquate roll when a party action was planned, they could say "I don't agree with this plan" and delagation would continue until everyone was satisfied.

    this was, however, of course abused. and whenever someone brought up something like "well, how about I fuck you through the naval with my greatsword?!" they would respond "I don't agree with this plan!" it effectively became the equivilent of "I need an adult!" in our game.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)14:31 No.12844539
    "What's the worst that could happen?"
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)14:58 No.12844759
    Our party was in a salt mine that was the BBEG's lair. Something about an ancient Norse cult trying to free an old god kind of thing.

    As we near the boss chamber, we roll for perception in order to see anything that might be an advantage in the coming fight.

    One of the wizards rolls INCREDIBLY badly on perception. He looks around the tunnel, licks the wall and says "Hey guys, I think this is a salt mine!"

    Ever since, that's become a byword for a really bad perception roll.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)15:15 No.12844890
    Speaking of DM lightning, I had a friend who was playing a Fighter in DnD and had a low int score. He REALLY liked the word sodomy and would often use at every situation.

    "I hope they don't preform SODOMY on us"

    "I sure do like sodomy"

    "Sodomy, sodomy"

    It got really annoying so I said you'll get struck by a bolt of lightning every time you say it now since the gods cursed you.

    FLASH FORWARD to a few weeks later, he rarely said sodomy and he was in an encounter with the Big Bad. He grapples the Big Bad in a bear hug and then says "SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY SODOMY"

    His noble sacrifice killed the first big bad of the campaign.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)15:19 No.12844920
    Introducing a new guy to DnD and he really didn't understand the whole describing your fighting actions. He was a ranger and had a bow and arrow.

    So I gave him an example of what he could do in the game and I said "Well, if they're down you could step on their neck and shoot them in the face"


    "I step on their neck and shoot them in the face"

    Even out of combat

    DM: You see a garden full of flowers
    Him: I step on their neck and shoot them in the face
    DM: What the flowers?
    Him: All of them
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)15:22 No.12844946
    "Worse lesbian ever"
    A chick made a character that she said was a "Lesbian" first thing she does his hit on a boxer in a bar and winds up sleeping with him.
    She later said she "was that thing were you like both genders" we replied with "Bisexual?" but she kept reffering to her self as a lesbian even after sleeping with nothing but guys the whole time.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)15:22 No.12844947
    My friend preformed a "sniff" check on a small sized bedroll in the cave. He rolled natural 20 and I said "It smells like Kobolds"

    I have a speech impediment so the entire party heard "It smells like Cobalt"

    Anytime anyone smells something from now on, it smells like cobalt
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)15:25 No.12844964
    Kazammed that motherfucker.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)15:31 No.12845016
    I cast zone of truth. "Are you gay?"

    The best is when they role a will save to answer no.
    Sadly there is a lot of gay talk among my group and this phrase is used a lot.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)15:43 No.12845123
    I dont know when or how it started, but every game my group plays in any setting will in every town, We will find ourselves staying at the* flee bag hotel.*
    We also have a recurring magic item, cursed weapon, no matter what you try to draw it will be the one to come into your hand once you pick it up just once. Its a magic staff that does charisma/appearance/social damage. It lovingly referred to as "The Ugly Stick"
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)15:53 No.12845205
    We're playing a evil campaign and have trouble with paladins and good aligned clerics. They're god damn everywhere. When you least expect them, when you think you're safe, BAM! Paladins!

    Well, not really, but we're paranoid. While sneaking in a castle we fear paladins coming walking out of one of those doors, from one of the windows, through the roof, from under the floor. Those paintings? Those aren't just pictures of paladins. It's a god damned paladin army. Hiding in your shadow is a paladin. Doesn't seem to horrible, he's just one right? WRONG! He's got a bag of holding full of warforged paladins, and using a god damned warforged shooting canon he's going to smite your ass so god damned hard you won't be able to sit for a year.

    Paladins, paladins everywhere.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)16:29 No.12845482
    this should probably get archived
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)16:35 No.12845519
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)17:19 No.12845809
    The Hedge Disposal System. The fucking Hedge Disposal System.

    I was running a game of nWoD set in WW2 and the PCs were part of a supernatural unit doing covert missions behind enemy lines. This mission they had to break into a secret Nazi weapons factory. The spy and the changeling, disguised as locals, went into the guard's hut to distract them whilst the doctor and rookie tried to break in.

    Long story short, the doctor and rookie fuck up and are hanging from the roof in a human chain. The guards look out the window, see them and run outside- right as the changeling opens a portal to the Hedge in the door. They run straight into it, he slams the door shut behind them and locks it. Problem solved.

    Then, in a later session, the party were trying to escape in a small plane as two beserk Nazi werewolves in Gauru form try and stop them. One of them rips open the plane door, jumps inside- right into the fucking Hedge again.

    The Hedge Disposal System is now the suggestion for dealing with any annoying/difficult/unbeatable problems. Also that player is now banned from ever playing changelings again.

    I raged hard, but it was still pretty funny, heh.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)17:30 No.12845884
    Random encounters with the LAG MONSTA, who drags you off without anyone, including you, noticing.

    Calling one guy's characters River Tam because they're all silent psychopaths with metagame powers.

    Magic weapons that are just magic. No bonuses to anything.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)19:59 No.12847231
    Do they get past DR?
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)20:08 No.12847323
    These are all lame unless you're in the group.

    "The door explodes."

    I was getting tired of the tank player rushing through doors and leaving everyone behind, so from then on, all doors have a chance of explosion from charging.


    The same player threw open a chest after all the previous chests were untrapped, and it just happened to be one that had a crappy trap that was basically a spring with a bunch of metal scraps on the end that shot out when you opened it.

    When he opened the trap, he failed to dodge the shrapnel, so it got lodged in his face. He decided to keep it and put it in his bag.

    "You're covered in bugs."

    The same team came across a small opening in a wall, one that turned out to be full of bugs when the rogue crawled in. This basically gets quoted whenever that guy does ANYTHING.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)20:15 No.12847404
    Playing Rogue Trader.
    I am the Rogue Trader, bout 45 ws and a best power sword. Daemon on the ship. I lead the party and a bunch of Mooks. Split up. Me and 3 mooks. We run into the Daemon. Everyone but me and one mook fail their fear check. I spend 3 rounds swinging to no avail. The mook hits every round. On the 3rd round, he gets Emperor's Fury (DM ruled that he deserved it). Mook kills the Daemon with a Lasgun. We promoted him to head of security on the spot.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)20:19 No.12847448
    Hadn't come up.
    THAT GUY wanted a magic weapon at first level because he 'gets one in 4E, this edition sucks'.
    So the DM gave him a shortsword that yells advertisements for a merchant of curiosities all the time, especially when sneaking or in combat. He traded up for one with bonuses a few levels later, but keeping it quiet long enough to shove off on someone else was an interesting challenge.

    In a different campaign, someone else got a sword with glowy runes on. He still hasn't traded up five levels later.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)20:21 No.12847470
    In Shadowrun, I let a friend of mine play an AI with a big, bulky combat drone body. Because AIs are regarded with fear and suspicion, he claimed to be a troll. Whenever anyone questioned his talking to machines or sparking when shot, he wold clarify "I'm a MOUNTAIN troll."

    Also, anytime anyone spends Edge, doves fly across the scene.

    Speaking out of character is known as "Pushing down the Jell-O"

    And the Church of Kord is basically frat boys.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)20:23 No.12847492

    A highly complex in joke in a doppelgänger/amorphous blob campaign involving a forest, kobolds, my character, beer, a stream, a fish, more beer, a failed dexterity check, even more beer, and imagination.
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)21:11 No.12847939
    Our Mage group had some crazy house rule where if you rolled enough successes, whatever spell you just cast would become permanent.

    One player once sniffed a pudding cup and we joked about rolling too well, and permanently smelling pudding.

    This devolved into a running gag about having pudding permanently branded into a given sense.

    "Smells like pudding dudes."

    "This water feels like pudding."

    "All I see is pudding." etc...
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)21:35 No.12848268
    This is from my online group. I wasn't here for when the joke started, but here's the story as I remember it told to me.

    Before I replaced a player that replaced a player that.. may have replaced a player? There was a relative or something of a person in the group. He was, apparently, That Guy. He would powergame, he would make inappropriate jokes, and he had a very tenuous grasp of social conventions. One night he just disappeared while the dungeonmaster was away from the keyboard for a minute or two (as he had announced to the group.) This player, let's call him Frank, told one other person who had been there that he was leaving. He was going to the Merritt Canteen. Naturally, the other player thought he was joking. Now, the Merritt Canteen is a very popular restaurant in the area. It has a long line to get in. Frank stood in line while the group waited for him to return so they could keep playing. Frank got his table while the group wondered where he could be. Frank ordered his food, got it, consumed a meal, had a drink, and walked back home while the group got ever more furious. When he finally returned, full and tipsy, he was shocked -- shocked! -- at how mad everyone else was at him.

    "I only went to get a bite to eat," he said.
    "It's only a short walk from home," he argued.
    "I told Peter where I was," he claims.

    He just completely doesn't understand that it was selfish of him to take a long dinner during the game. He's a little insulted that anyone else is taking offense. He gets angry!

    He gets kicked out of the group.

    Now, whenever a break is called we open a little window and move our tokens in it. At the bottom, it simply reads "back." At the top, it reads

    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)21:42 No.12848342
    In a freeform game I play we were at the top of Mount Ordeals from FFIV getting instruction from Bahamut.

    At this point one of our ex-asshat players left the room to go bitch out his ex-girlfriend. During this period of time Bahamut died. It was very tragic and we got over it. An hour later after the combat where we fought Bahamut's killer he came back inside. We managed to ressurrect Bahamut, and the first words we hear were, "WAIT? BAHAMUT'S DEAD?" This wouldn't have been so funny if our GM hadn't filled him in on what he missed.

    We made fun of him so much he left for Sacramento. Now we make the joke. "Wait? Cameron's DEAD?!"
    >> Anonymous 11/18/10(Thu)21:43 No.12848356
         File1290134623.png-(331 KB, 784x595, merritt canteen.png)
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