1. Turn every apple in the universe into a rock.2. Eat the moon.3. Make a golem out of spoons.4. Make a spoon out of golems.5. Create a universe whose only life forms are lawyers.6. Declare war on the sun.
7. Make the people of the nearby village into hats.8. Make a tree that grows socks for fruit.9. Turn all the undead in the world into rock candy.
>>12631094>5. Create a universe whose only life forms are lawyers.I knew there was a reason behind this.Fucking cosmic level mages.
10. Leave artifacts of immense power in random dungeons and dragon caves and slew legends of glory and fame about those who collect them. Artifacts are actually party balloons and a singing card that plays "You've got a friend in me" when opened.
10. Give hamburgers the ability to see the future.11. Give a million gold to an orphanage, but insist they only serve the children clam chowder. Forever.
12. Turn every creature into Jackie Chan.
Create a pocket dimension that spawns warped hellbeasts. Connect it to a second pocket dimension that spawns holy angelic beings. Sit back, cast summon popcorn, and enjoy the light show.
12. Make lists for everything13. Make magic pens that list everything
>>1263111113. Turn Jackie Chan into every creature.
14. Pierce the tip of every condom in existence and those that will be created with a pin sized hole.
8: Break spacetime so that a single number will be multiple items on the list
14. Cast the darkness at magic missiles.
>>12631109>no 10 (11)I actually loled
>>12631109>only clam chowder. Forever.Dear. God.
12. Turn the moon into an amusement park.13. Make telepathic pumpkins.14. Steal all the water in the world.15. Open a portal to the elemental plane of water. On Athas.16. Steal the sun.17. Steal Sigil.18. Steal the hearts of Sigil with a touching broadway musical.19. Make a gemstone that grants immortality. Then use it for a paperweight.
20. Write an epic ballad about the deeds of a small band of unsung heroes native to the Far Realms.21. Distribute this ballad on a planet with a primitive culture and convince them the sanity-bending protagonists are their gods.
22. Kill a dragon using only a small kitten, a toothpick, and a key lime.
22. Periodically flip the entire universe upside down and see is anyone notices.
Solve multiverse hunger. Tell no one.
>>1263114423) Create a portal into the real world and have sex with my player in front of both the party and other players.
23. Simply walk into Mordor.
30. Hold all those limes.inb4 29
24. Blueberry pie, only Ms. Ferramore shall know what this means
20. Steal the ground, but make people walk on where it used to be anyways. Magic.21. Use Sigil as a paperweight.22. Write the best book ever. Enchant all the copies to make their readers only eat turnips.23. Make an army of garden tools.24. Invent computers and the internet. Then randomly destroy them all twenty years later.25. Kill Ao. Use the wall of souls to power a microwave.
24. Successfully seduce the Lady of Pain.25. Make it last more than a one-night stand.
25. Create a small stage that is actually a scale model of a city. The puppets will act out the citizens a day ahead of their actual events.
23.Open up a portal to alternate realities, Find my selves Then challenge them to a multi-dimensional Fight
26. Secretly implant the desire for everyone to have sex with their mothers and see what happens.
26. Light up the night.
27. Call Elminster a cockgoblin to his face.
31. Periodically randomize the alignment of $deity, but leave their followers out of the loop.
>>1263116927. Ponder the ramifications when nothing changes
28. Grant powers not equal but close enough to your own that no ordinary man could appreciate the difference to some random person with fairly loose morals. Kick back and watch what happens.
32. Grab a six-pack of Neutronium Golems and go have a night of bowling with your bros.
29. Get your numbers accurate for posting in this thread.
26. Eat the Lady of Pain's heart to gain her strength. Then reset reality and laugh at her, and laugh some more when she doesn't get it.27. Burn the ocean for fuel.28.Replace all the gold in the universe with cocaine.29. Make chickens the dominant lifeform on the moon.31. Add an extra seven moons to the planet.32. Make Sigil into a nightclub.
28. Carve a symbol of insanity into the moon
>>1263118833. Replace all the cocaine in the universe with live bees.
33. Close a time paradox34. Watch it35. Make porn of everything36. Open a time paradox
30. Eat a filling meal and drink a ton of water right in front of a city full of starving Athasians. No, seriously, the cosmic power is CRITICAL to surviving this one.
>>1263119434. Replace all the live bees in the universe with cocaine.
33. Turn Athas into an arctic tundra.34. Turn all the ice in the multiverse into ice cream.35. Make Athas into an ice cream parlor.36. Create a cannon that fires itself, from 3 seconds in the future.
42. create a spell that alerts you to location of anyone that says the phrase "a wizard did it", teleport to that location and say "yes, I did it".
37. change the laws of nature so that copper can not exist, instead it is silver.38. offer your power in exchanse of single copper coin
37. For a random 10 seconds each day, replace the lower appendages of every being in the multiverse with two left feet.
40. Make a massive indestructible see through wall around a beautiful crystal clear lake. Any magic but yours gets negated around it.41. Put it in the middle of a city in Athas, and claim that whoever can solve a riddle gets to drink.42. The water is a golem.43. The riddle has no answer.44. Laugh and pee on a baby, you sadistic bastard.
43. violate causality risking the multiverse unmaking itself by time traveling to the moment in the future when you already prepared your dinner, only because you don't feel like preparing your dinner.
45. Challenge the whole of Earth to an arm wrestling contest for eternal prosperity and lack of suffering for man kind.46.Replace arm with black hole
>>1263120942.aMake a magical clone whose job it is to teleport to any instance of "wizard did it" to say "yes, I did."
45. Make yourself literally shit gold.46. Ask a peasant if he wants some of your shit. If he says no, show it to him and leave. If he says yes, give it to him, but then turn it back into shit. Then turn his clothing into gold. Laugh as he falls to the ground and struggles to get up.
wow, so many answers and yet they are all:>be an immense douche... I approve
47. Replace black hole with arm.48. Change the language of everyone, ever, so every word but beer means beer, and the word beer means "God, why would you do this, you cruel, cruel, wizard?"
49. Create a spell that causes the nearest beer to appear in my hand. Don't share it.
>>12631252This one is actually number 88, if I didn't fuck up the count.90. Make it slot machines dispense the fruits displayed on the reels rather than money.91. Plant a tree such that it will, at some point hundreds of years down the line, fall on a man and kill him.92. Awaken a turtle. Ask it for the time.93. Go door to door hawking tiny, personal portals to the quasi-elemental plane of Vacuum for $9.95 + handling.94. Melt the paraelemental plane of ice.95. Tarrasque-fighting ring. Take bets.[...]1000. Rinse.1001. Repeat.
48. Be the nicest person ever, until someone comments on it. Then make them eat their own hair.49. Make everyone in the universe bald.50. Make a universe entirely composed of hair.51. Cure every disease, ever.52. Create a million NEW diseases.53. Make a the best song ever, but when it ends the last sound makes everyone shit themselves.
Current count, 101!As of: >>12631265
102. Wear the monocles. All of them.103. Wear a cool hat
102. Make a race of superintelligent immortal bushes. Use them to decorate your garden.103. Make sentient crack cocaine.104. Make a highly addictive street drug called I Like Dicks. Kill anyone that calls it something else.
107. Create a paraelemental plane of socks, using everyone's left sock as the spell components. Have portals deposit these socks into dryers randomly for the rest of creation. The cycle repeats if the plane runs out of socks.
44. catalog all female beings that Elminster slept with, claim any holes he hasn't been in (tiny standard with your name on it appears in orifice after you fuck it)
107. Become a Journalist. All your articles contain secret code words to spies, appearing to be from their superiors, telling them to invest in a company that sells oversized prosthetic penises.
110. Steal the left arm of every other wizard ever. Use them to make yourself the most powerful thing ever. Then realize you already were. Keep Elminster's arm, return the rest.
108. Grant vegetables the ability to feel pain109. Give all plants telepathy with a range of whoever is touching them110. Laugh at vegetarians
>>12631312111. Burn Elminsters arm. UNCLEAN.112. Beat Elminster to death with his shriveled, burned up arm.
113. Remove number 113.
>>12631325number 113 on the list or remove the number 113 from the universe?
120. reverse Elminster's digestive tract121. every beholder's eye increases charisma by 2 when consumed
114. Racist comments now cause people to change race.
>>12631330Fuck it, if we can't have a number 113, neither can anybody else.
115. Be the biggest douche ever.116. Laugh at self.117. Adopt seven children, teach them right from wrong, raise them as your own, and then pay their way through college.118. Adopt seven more orphans, turn them into superheroes.119. Adopt even more children. Send them to the Lady of Pain and make her raise them.120. Go to a bar and make all the ale you drink mysteriously appear in the nearby church's holy water.
116 : All babies now emit Slayer's "Raining Blood" from their mouths instead of crying.
115 - Rob a Bank.116 - Summon weapons and leave them around everywhere117 - Tell people to go pull stuff out of a rock and make them king.
>>12631142108. After having given a small kitten sufficient power to destroy a great wyrm, get bored and set it loose somewhere.109. Turn the moon into a giant eyeball. 110. Have it blink occasionally.
122. Make an Elder Brain summon a bunch of zombies.123. Remove it's powers.124. Connect the elemental plane of cold to the elemental plane of light. Create FROZEN LIGHT.125. Use FROZEN LIGHT as building material.
125. have a heavy metal soundtrack 9in a world that doesn't know heave metal)
130. Replace the Lady of Pain's arms with cheese.131. Replace all the cheese in the world with arms.132. Make the sun into a giant glowing baby's face.
>115 - Rob a Bank.Leonard, are you robbing a bank right now?
130. make all kenders lose their fingers
133. Eat pancakes.134. Panty raid everyone ever.135. Throw a party with everyone ever, then rob their homes while they're away.136. Universal Time Stop, fill everyone's mouth with hot coffee. If they already have hot coffee in their mouth, replace it with cocaine.
>>12631356133. Make the sun grow older at the same speed as a human. 134 Make the beard glorious
>>12631360No, I'm in your house, painting your walls with heroin.
140. find other bored cosmic level wizards, get drunk, summon karaoke club wherever you are right now
>>12631370139. Take the sun out drinking, return to a frozen wasteland.140. Have sex with the laws of physics.141. Sing the most unerotic song about sex ever.
142. Change Pi to equal three, because the rest of it is just messy.
143. Change 0.999 repeating to = 1
>>12631377>141. Sing the most unerotic song about sex ever.Already happened, bro.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1KLWkBOOsk
143. Start a Guild of Cobblers, make every cobbler refuse to repair any shoes ever.144. Start a Guild of Shoemakers, make every shoemaker refuse to make any new shoes, say they should just get their old ones fixed.145. Sell everyone sandals, give the money to the cobblers and shoemakers.146. Dissolve the Guilds.147. Turn the ocean into ginger ale.
148. Prove the existence of FSM. Proceed to summon.
149. Give all Elves regardless of gender long Dwarven beards
Potato. Make 2=1, and make people able to divide fish by zero to get 5.150. Turn it back, because it's just silly.
149. Disprove your own existence.
150. Give all dwarves, regardless of gender, G-cup breasts.
>>12631377151.Adopt the sun as your son. 152. Call the school racists when they don't want to accept him.153 Pay his way through collage.154 Take him out drinking once he's old enough.155 Marry him off to Jupiter.156 Call Jupiter fat.
145. everyone but you swap genders, beings without gender gain one at random
How many are we actually up to now?
>>12631400They wouldn't notice under all that hair.
>>12631401160. Take every child they have, and give it telekinetic abilities.
157. everyone but you is permanently on ecstasy158. teleport to some village and do a light show
161. Do everything in this thread but not this.
COUNT IS 170 AS OF >>12631414
COUNT IS 170!AS OF:>>12631414
>>12631402145 B: Then proceed to swap their newfound genders
171. Swap your own gender in front of family. Come out to family as gay for the new gender.172. Hit on lesbians at dyke bars. Regardless of current gender.
174. Create pokemon.175. Start a betting ring on pokemon cage matches. Minimum bet is three trillion people.176. Rig the fights.177. Take over the Abyss, and use it for a back scratcher.
178. Become Gym Leader of Mordor. Make it necessary to get a bike to get in.
178. Have sex with everyone ever.179. Change history so you invented bacon.180. Un-invent bacon.
181. Rewrite the laws of creation such that all Deities much be dressed in an 80s glam metal costume at all times.
182. Throw a birthday party for Vecna. Give him his hand and eye as a present, but encased in anti-magic indestructible glass. Laugh.
182. Become a mod on /tg/183. Do nothing
184. Steal the fourth wall.
183. Dance fight a million people to death. Resurrect them and use them to conquer the world. Their only weapon is dancing.
185. Ask Vecna if he heard the one about his head.
>>12631467186. Make it into a marble countertop for your newly refurbished kitchen.
185 Turn Robin Williams into an actual genie
>>12631473187 Masturbate with Vecnas hand188 Get pregnant
184.5: Hire some gnomes to reconstruct it, but with subtle references that you are the author's self-insert.
190. Make FATAL good, and not the worst thing ever.191. Make something worse than FATAL.192. Clone Hitler and make him fight a clone of Stalin to the death. The winner gets eaten by a tarrasque.
>>12631342189 - Create a portal to hell in heaven.190 - Don't let someone pass a bridge191 - Trick a peaceful creature into a adventure that will result in the discovery of a weapon that can destroy the world.
189: Replace all instances of 'guilty' to 'innocent' in every plane of existence.190: Replace all instances of 'innocent' to 'guilty' in every plane of existence. 191: Have all crimes be punished by death in every plane of existence.192: Turn at least 40% of all sentient beings in every location of civilisation into hippies.193: Make sympathizing with flora illegal for all cultures.194: Laugh at the elves.
>>12631482193. For added effect, masturbate with Vecna's hand in front of him.
>>12631499194 Subdue and fist Vecna afterward... after drawing 'Power' on his fist and then yelling out POWWWEERRRRFIIIIIIST!
195. Convince the Lady of pain to try being sub for a night, without using any magical coersion.
196. Use the God Emperor of Mankind for a coat rack.197. Have sex with Slannesh. And make her not enjoy it.198. Steal Tzeench's eyes.199. Brofist yourself from the future.200. Assassinate the ocean.
196: create a planet called 'earth' and put up a magic barrier around its solar system that blocks all sentient beings and also removes all magic from the inside of the field
201. Convince an entire society that they shouldn't worry about blank, and that they should let you worry about blank.
202. Become a techpriest, and then carjack mars.203. Eat it.204. Turn the Tyrannids into kittens. And make them allergic to themselves.
206. Break into someone's home, refuse to leave, order pizza and watch tv.207. Break into someone's home, refuse to leave, order tv and watch pizza.
205. Temporarily become the god of dreams, only so that you may replace all electric sheep with electric boogaloo.
243: Create a delicious, gluten-free vegetable containing a full protein, which naturally ferments into an alcoholic substance within 2 days of harvest.
208. Seek psychiatric help, drive your shrink insane, make him into the new ruler of Athas.209. Walk around in broad daylight in a city on Athas, pouring water all over the ground and watching it evaporate.
244. Find an guy complaining about his life being boring. Instill religion on a plane without any, with this guy as the god. Make it so that those worthy, those who have lived truely intersting lives meet their god face to face after they die.
210. Create a fourth wall golem
210. Break into someone's tv, refuse to leave, order more tv's, and perform amateur porn on all channels.
245. Perform all of the above in ten seconds while being as hipter as possible.
>>12631568>>12631567249. Run amateur porn of you fucking a fourth wall golem on every channel every day for a year. All radio broadcasts are the sound, and any words or images are also desriptive of the porn.
250. Carve EXPLOSIVE RUNES into the moon.
210: Discover the exact tone and volume required to cause any woman who hears it to spontaneously orgasm.211: Cast permanent stoneskin on left hand to reinforce it against all these bro-fists and high fives I keep getting from Bards.212: Turn into a snake. Even though it never helps.213: Teach prospective up and coming BBEG's that shooting is NOT too good for their enemies.214: Create comfy chair and watch world get taken over multiple times. Sell chair to new evil overlords head tortureror.215: Encase Beholders in giant cybernetic shell built out of adamantium. Get foiled by a guy wearing a bow-tie, suspendors and girly hair and his overly fit female companion.216: Get the moon to howl back at werewolves, but in a really sarcastic tone.
251. Cast NAILED TO THE SKY on a mountain. Have it come within 100 feet of the ground 50% of the time.252. Build your castle on said mountain.253. Mine it out and turn it into a casino.254. Land it on the ocean. Have it permanently hove three feet above the water.
212. Create the ability to count from 1 - 1001 on any board in 4chan without repeating/missing out numbers
>>12631593255. Staff the casino entirely with dwarves native to that mountain.
>>12631588255. Make the moon yell at the werewolves about how they've dissapointed it very much.256. Invite said bowtie wearer to dinner. Steal the TARDIS and make a better one.257. Go to Gallifrey and eat their sun.
259. Collapse France into itself, until it comes back the opposite way and is full of gun loving asian racists.
Sorry for the question but,what exactly is "cosmic" level and how high is that? XD
217: Find out where exactly Elves go when they get old. Discover it to be a gigantic Mecca Bingo Hall.218: Create a universal energy source that will revolutionise society. But it has to be powered by kittens.219: Teach Death how to cheat at chess.220: Invent the Steamroller SOLELY for the purpose of stopping time, tossing one on somebodies head, punching it repeatedly, and then proclaiming WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
>>12631604Higher than that. As High as possible. Above god level.
>>12631604At cosmic level, neutronium golems serve as atoms in your massive toilet bowel, the water of which is made of a googleplex damned souls.You will most likely not use this toilet, as it is "Old" and "Stupid Looking" and "Cheap" and "I have like a way better one anyways, that massages my butt as I poop".
260. Craft an epic level divination spell that, when cast, states in a monotone voice one thousand and one things appropriate to your level for you to do when you're bored.
>>12631604lvl 147+ I think, though that might be High-Cosmic
>>12631604over level 30basically, a god
>>12631624Epic ends at level 40, son.
>>12631604At cosmic levels you can rape gods and they'll thank you and ask if they can make you a sandwich or something while you here.
261: Create an army of manly Elves with gigantic sideburns, conquer world as nobody believes such a thing to exist.262: Create science.263: Scientific progress now goes "Boink"264: Create ball game where you make the rules upas you go along.265: Teach people to pronounce Aluminium properly.266: Horrbily murder those who get it wrong.267: Entertain at parties.
266. Harness the very power of Multiverse. Make sure you are not undone by such amateur-hour horseshit as assimilating too much power and exploding.
261. Alter the laws of physics so people can fly by farting in a specific direction.262. Make the telepathic pumpkins form a democracy.263. Become the first non-pumpkin president of pumpkinica.
268. Replace the soles of everyone's shoes with lightly poached salmon.269. Influence fashion trends such that wearing their salmon slightly more heavily poached is now the 'in' thing.270. Drive salmon extinct, tell everyone Tilapia is just as good.
272. Learn to bullshit really well, realize your dream of being a lawyer
275. Develop brain cancer, get told you only have a month to live. Cure self and light doctor on fire. Then light The Doctor on fire.276. Brofist Death, and then fuck a necron.
277. Insist that you must referee all of Death's games from now on, and proceed to make intentionally bad calls.
277. Play DORF FORTRESS, but with real dwarfs.278. Have them make a giant computer over the whole planet.279. Use it to play DORF FORTRESS.
276: Force everyone to dance for your amusement non-stop277: Have anyone who dies from over-dancing be reincarnated as a dance golem, made from the very essence of dance278: Create a grue-dance golem hybrid
284. Dance all night, yeah, all night long.285. Dance dance dance.286. YEEEAAAAAHHHH287. Create a GRIMDARK universe of puppies and rainbows. Nothing bad every happens, yet it is still GRIMDARK for some reason.
288. Develop crippling addiction to blueberry muffins.289. Inject blueberry muffins directly into your bloodstream.290. Ride a robot unicorn across fields and over cliffs, jumping from mountaintop to mountaintop.
290. Make a golem out of golems291. Create a WH40K golem, made from the very essence of grimdark
>>12631665290. Dance the grue-dance golem hybrids to death, repeating as nauseaum until you have an aeons-old dead shell of a supreme dance god at your disposal.291. Fill the shell of the dance god with all of the souls in the universe minus yours and feed it just enough cocaine to have one last dance-off.292. The winner gets a really super-neato prize bag with at least three separate gift cards inside.
200. create a cartoony pocket plane full of infinite ADVENTURE!, create a cartoony boy in awesome hat with magical dog to live the FOREVER!, watch over them so nothing bad happens, let them play to their heart's content.
107. Go back in time to just before numbers are invented108. Remove the number 3.109. Skip forward millennia in time, and tell them they missed a number.
294: Breed everything with everything else295: Laugh as world is plagued by freakish crossbreeds.296: Secretly feel a modicum of shame of creating the Cricket-Bat just for the sake of a pun.297: Accidentially create Sinistar298: Run! Run! Run!299: Turn all non-humanoid monsters into monstergirls. (If task 294 hasn't already done so.)
587. Send a message back in time to your past self that you absolutely must not, under any circumstances
295. Replace all numbers with fruits and vegetables.Orangety tomato and grape. When listening to any song, the events related in the song happen to the listeners.Orangty tomato and banana. All songs are now about stroking kittens and running through fields with puppies.Orangty tomato and carrot. All kittens are now sperm golems and puppies are turned inside out.
300. Reinvent bacon.301. Breed bacon golems.302. Uninvent bacon again.303. Breed pancake golems.304. Breed scrambled egg golems.305. Crossbreed delicious breakfast golems.306. Eliminate any trace of bacon golems from the timeline.307. Miniaturize your breakfast golems.308. Grant your breakfast golems divinity.309. See what happens.
267. Rewrite the laws of magic to include Elves in the list of things that you can transform people into with a casting of Baleful Polymorph.268. Proceed to use this as the final proof in your argument to deny elves the rights of other sapient beings in Good-aligned cities. 269. Carry on with this trend until all that remains are humans and halflings.270. Find and coerce a dwarf into helping you undo this "terrible mistake." Get his eleven friends to help you.271. Realize that your party isn't balanced without the addition of a person that actually has rights, pick up a halfling from his home.272. Reproduce a cockamamie version of The Hobbit, rife with political intrigue and social commentary.
101. Put tiny explosive runes on every atom in the universe.102. Wait for the invention of the electron microscope.
>>12631604People have often mistaken a cosmic level wizard idle musings with such things as reality, self consciousness, and God.Don't be naive, he is simply bored.
315. Coded highly specific and powerful exploding runes into every humans DNA that is programmed to trigger when they see rapid flashing multi-colored light316. Invent Saturday Morning Cartoons317. Make the parents clean up the mess themselves.