Your party’s on a bridge, up ahead ye see a hundred and twenty
Gigantic orcs armed with machetes.
Do you, ‘A’: Say ‘Hello, ain’t this a sunny day?
‘B’: You soil your armor and you RUN AWAY!
‘C’: Grab a can from your Mountain Dew stash!
Well the answer is ‘D’, (‘D’?) MASH MASH MASH!
So you’re slashin’ (hackin’), total monster mashin’ (mackin’),
Orc attackin’, and soon your band is back on the quest.
Whoever saves the damsel she will betroth*,
Suspiciously familiar, she’s just like a perky goth!
But to save her you will have to face sniper sloths,
A vicious troll, a winged T-Rex, vixens who will eat your soul,
And a drunk vampire with a puzzle trap, and if you
Don’t answer right, you’re dead. What do you do? (What?)
Jeff cast a spell, but it only knocked their hats off.
Igor turned to Matt and said, “I kill Gandalf!”
Carson just collapsed and quivered like a pup.
Well here is what I did, so, yo, listen up:
After I tightened up my tights, I hung a disco ball so that the lights
Distracted them, I snuck right past their sights.
Faced the troll, with my saving roll, he was defeated.
I roasted the Pega-Saurus so I’d eat it. (Eat it!)
The sirens I greeted, with my eighteen charisma they fainted, (add sound of women swooning)
Then I solved the riddle of the mead-head.
He said “Now pick a number from a million down to one!”
I said ‘forty-two’, and he shriveled in the dawn sun.
For rescuing Gilly, she said she would thrill me.
Became my bride, mission ended, me on victory’s side.
And before anybody gets a chance to speak,
I say, ‘Yo, don’t say nothin’, I guess I’m just a geek’!
Hot chicks in chain mail bikinis,
In the hip joints, want our hit points.
And we’ll ask ‘em when they face us in the
Coliseum, ‘Who’s your D.M.?’