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  • File : 1279722277.jpg-(178 KB, 850x1264, 1274711613654.jpg)
    178 KB Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)10:24 No.11262498  
    Any one know the storage capacity of a vagina, what if you surgically removed the cervix? I'm trying to calculate a reasonable volume of spiders a drow could spew from their nethers.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)10:26 No.11262518
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    You made this thread just to get a kick out of us, didn't you.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)10:27 No.11262525
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)10:35 No.11262608
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)10:36 No.11262615
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)10:37 No.11262630
    No bag of holding?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)10:37 No.11262639
    Depends. Some girls can stretch quite a bit. You can fit at least several vibrating eggs in there.
    >remove the cervix
    No. The uterus is NOT a big pocket like hentai thinks it is. It is a very delicate organ with a thick, sensitive lining with very good blood supply, and has an internal volume of several MICROLITRES. That's about as much as a single tear.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)10:52 No.11262834
    Well chemically induce a pseudo-pregnancy and pack the spiders up there.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)10:58 No.11262919
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:00 No.11262953
    I fail to see what this hopes to accomplish.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:02 No.11262967
    A seemingly pregnant woman vomits a cloud of spiders out of her crotch when accosted.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:02 No.11262968
    Those are the two greatest sentences I've ever read.

    Every other time I would sage a thread like this, but the undeniable perfection of the OP deserves a bump.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:03 No.11262989
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    See also, pic.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:05 No.11263009
    Please tell me this results in her death.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:05 No.11263014
    Just figure the volume of two babies. Duh.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:05 No.11263016
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:05 No.11263025

    Check out the Abyssal Drow in the MM3. She's already jam packed full of spiders that I assume she must be hiding in her vagina, because female drow don't wear enough armor for them to be hidden anywhere else.

    Also, tentacle dildos.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:05 No.11263026
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    This image conveys my reaction perfectly.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:05 No.11263027
    if this happened in any campaign i was in, i would shit a small farm cottage.
    practically, i would suggest simply filling a bag of holding with spiders, then inserting it into the vagina. make sure the ends of the bad are linked to her labial piercings, so it stays shut, but can open. that way, she can have thousands of spiders pour out, way more than a human body could hold.
    >> Green-ranger !!TmS5pQnYWpa 07/21/10(Wed)11:06 No.11263037
    Bag of holding inside a dildo, you get more spiders and reloading is easier.

    Also, didn't we have a similar thread yesterday, with maggots and a half-orc druid.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:07 No.11263049
    Oh god. 500 pounds of spiders spewing out.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:10 No.11263099
    really? is this a common occurrence on this board? is it like, once a month, someone will post 'sup /tg/, how many spiders can a vagina hold?'.
    I vastly overestimated the normality of this board.
    >> Green-ranger !!TmS5pQnYWpa 07/21/10(Wed)11:17 No.11263206
    It's getting pretty close to a monthly thing, almost like /tg/s period.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:19 No.11263230
    Honestly, I think it needs to happen more often.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:26 No.11263338
    Everyone wonders. This is just the place that anyone actually feels comfortable enough to ask, as well as the only place where you might expect a serious and well reasoned response.

    To figure this out, first you'd need to figure out the average volume of the spiders you're talking about. Going from wolf spiders to bird eating spiders, this covers a wide range of possibilities, many of which would not survive transit very well. Best stick to the smaller end of the scale. Then you need to figure out the volume of the average volume of a relaxed vagina, as if she’s back with a 12” dongs worth of spiders, it’s going to be a serious bonus to someone spot check just watching her try to walk around. Also, given the anatomy of the cervix, storage of spiders in the uterus is a no-go. Maybe you could replace it with something like a marsupial pouch. That would solve most of the problems.

    So: Volume of average spider / Volume of Vagina = Answer to a question you never even knew you were curious about.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:31 No.11263412
    How would that even work? Spiders need to breathe, and aren't particularly suited for extremely warm, close environments. She'd kill off all the spiders inside her.

    The bag of holding strategy gets around this problem, of course, though I do understand that they still hold a limited amount of air.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:33 No.11263440
    She could have an enchantment put on her vagina/cervix to solve all of this.

    Fucking done, people.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:37 No.11263512
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    I like you anon, I myself was about to look up medical information for an average 20 year old woman's vagina, and then shrink the figures by a figure of .90 for elf physiology. Then I was going to do a cross section of the smaller spider species, average their cubic volume, apply this to the cubic volume figure of the vagina figure I told you about just now.
    Also Drow like poisonous spiders right? So I figure lots of black widow analogs here. It's like the worst case of crabs of all time. I like you OP
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:38 No.11263550
    contd. You know what anon I'm not even into creepy gross shit like this, I like most of /tg/ just like the challenge of figuring shit like this out.
    Now one other thing we need to think of, what edition is this? Do you want this to be a spell with a randomizer element? Should we be approximating a damage done or just a size of swarm and you'll figure it out?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:39 No.11263572
    "Hey, hey, house mage!"
    "I need you to enchant my vagina to be an ideal living environment for ten thousand spiders!"
    "By Thursday!"
    "...this isn't just to make all your future mates die horribly due to spider bites all over their groin, is it?"
    "Oh, no, I also want to weaponize it. So building in some sort of telepathic spider control would be good too. Glad you're on top of things."
    "See you then! Bye!"
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:45 No.11263662
    So according to this and my figures we're probably getting this for my equation for a typical drow vagina (sans cervix): (1in x 3.4in x 1.5 in)(.90)= DVV(drow vaginal volume)
    Now I'll get to work on your spider size, and we'll assume the spiders are magically under control or stasis while in there to ignore the necessities of living space and feeding. Which would be needlessly complicated. Be right back.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:51 No.11263759
    This is the best solution. Or praying to Lolth for such a particular blessing, though it has the potential to backfire horribly if you lose her favour.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:51 No.11263764
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    ok so DVV= 4.59 inches cubed
    Now supposing we're using smaller breeds of spiders this should be approximately 1 inch in length, but we can assume smaller breeds and sizes much like the tiny black widow female which we know is a big imagery aspect to drow. So We can probably approximate about 6-7 small to average size spiders hidden in her vagina.
    Problem solved, what do you think sirs?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:52 No.11263788

    And losing Lolth's favor...isn't hard.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:54 No.11263813
    Exactly. So, arcane vaginal-mounted spider swarm it is.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:56 No.11263842
    Less than a dozen? That's nowhere near a swarm! Clearly magic will need to be utilised into maximising the number of spiders.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:56 No.11263844
    That's the easy way out, and /tg/ doesn't half ass it when we can make complicated rules and calculations to explain things in magical fantasy universes
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:56 No.11263853
    I think Huntsman spiders are much better choices since they're mega-poisonous.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)11:59 No.11263896
    I know and I felt I was off with my size ratio figure, truly I think elf vaginas should be closer to a .7 size and depth ratio to Human vaginas. I mean yes of course they stretch and expand during coitus, but at a relaxed state (as would be necessary to move around like a normal person unless you believe all those wacky japanese sex comics about girls walking around normal with dildos and vibrators inside.)
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:06 No.11264007
    rolled 87 = 87

    Here, I had a brain fart. The most venomous is the brazilian wandering spider.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:10 No.11264064
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    ...This thread

    What the fuck /tg/

    What the fuck.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:10 No.11264065
    spiders dont need to breathe.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:11 No.11264083
    rolled 23 = 23

    That was such a stupid thing to say I lost brain cells just by reading it.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:11 No.11264089
    what are you new here? This is tame by /tg/ standards, I'm just glad we haven't brought rape into this yet.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:13 No.11264118
    what is this i don't even

    Of COURSE they need to breath, they're living creatures. Maybe the anatomy they use to do so is different from vertebrates, but they still need to take in oxygen and release carbon dioxide.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:14 No.11264150
    So why not just enchant the spiders to allow them to not require air to breathe?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:20 No.11264239
    I wonder what OP thinks of all this now that he has some definitive answers.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:42 No.11264509

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katipo I say use something like this. One of the many spiders know as a black widow, tiny spider (8mm long body), nasty venom. If we're assuming they're in some sort of stasis they can be packed in pretty efficiently. Think battle droids in the star wars sequels. So say with their legs tucked in they can be roughly an 8mm sphere.
    Then you're just packing 8mm spheres into your area. I'm sure you can fit more than 6 or 7.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:51 No.11264620
    Won't spiders stored in Bag of Holding suffocate or starve?
    I know living creature can be hidden there for short period of time (assuming Bag is big enough), but I don't think it works long-term.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:53 No.11264650
    Or maybe just store spider eggs, and use some magic (enchant or spell casted on release) that makes them hatch on command.
    >> Princess Angelique Dominique 07/21/10(Wed)12:56 No.11264686
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    Are we seriously discussing this?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:58 No.11264704
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)12:58 No.11264709
    Did you ignore the rest of the thread? We are treating this with the utmost seriousness.
    >> northern /k/ommando 07/21/10(Wed)12:59 No.11264719
    >Depends. Some girls can stretch quite a bit. You can fit at least several vibrating eggs in there.
    oh i have seen some girls fit a lot more than that.

    and now we're talking a coke can, or a wine bottle.
    hell, i have even seen a damn nerf football.
    >> Princess Angelique Dominique 07/21/10(Wed)13:01 No.11264754
    I know, but why?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)13:05 No.11264816
    Because someone asked, of course. We are obliged to aid where we can, for otherwise we are naught but philistines. Also, we expand our knowledgebase, for example by finding out how many spiders can fit inside a drow's vagina.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)13:07 No.11264831
    Why not?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)13:07 No.11264835

    Think of it as a thought excercise. Ignore the inherent squickiness and it becomes an interesting experiment in logistics.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)13:11 No.11264883
    Aren't there any easy shrink/grow spells in this setting? That'd do the trick. Or fulfil some guy's inflation fetish if the grow spell was cast too early.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)13:12 No.11264903
    In my case it all comes down to the second line of the OP.
    >> northern /k/ommando 07/21/10(Wed)13:15 No.11264947
    because we can, and because we choose to.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)13:16 No.11264977
    What if the spider have eaten inside ? There will be more volume.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)13:16 No.11264981
    well... the drows would be better off capturing trolls and inserting ballon-like devices into their vaginas, and then slowly blowing them up, as the insides of the trolls expanded more and damaged them, the trolls would expand, but with a larger and larger cavity inside of them, untill you have giant inflated trolls that can be filled with cu... i mean spiders.
    >> Princess Angelique Dominique 07/21/10(Wed)13:21 No.11265042

    I'd be lying if I said I didn't think this whole discussion was hilarious.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)13:29 No.11265164
    Never change /tg/, never change :3
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)14:53 No.11266257
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)14:55 No.11266290
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    >reasonable volume
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)14:59 No.11266363
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    <---- [My face upon reading OP]

    Couldn't you just fill the vag with water, or some other fluid, then empty it into a graduated cylinder to find the maximum volume? And would a mass of spiders be able to move as a fluid?

    Using swarm rules, we could find the approximate volume of a certain number of spiders, assuming they occupy a single layer evenly distributed over flat ground, with the spiders averaging about 1/16th to 1/8th of an inch high (bigger is creepier, smaller behaves more like a fluid). Also, take into account they need enough free space to wiggle their legs and crawl out...

    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:02 No.11266403
    Sugically install a bag of holding.... you could also keep your swords and maces in your vag. I win
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:04 No.11266430
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:04 No.11266431
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:05 No.11266438
    also could make alot of money doing magic tricks with your vagina of holding :)
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:06 No.11266458
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    I'm fairly certain there's a spell somewhere that lets you spew spiders like a breath weapon. I'm fairly certain you could reflavour it.

    Failing that, use the Spell Thematics feat, choosing (Spiders From My Vagina), and make every spell involve spiders from unusual places.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:06 No.11266459
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:09 No.11266482
    I still argue for the bag of holding surgery.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:10 No.11266506
    the issue here is that both the vagina and uterus can increase in volume many times over. Let's see. A quick search and calculation shows that, non-distended, an average human vagina has the dimensions of 6.3x3x3 cm3 while the womb is 7.5x5x2.5 cm3. Together, that's a volume of about 150ml, which isn't all that much.
    If we take a 8 to 9-month pregnant woman, however, and replace the baby with... spiders, then the volume can be increased to maybe 3500 - 4000 ml (about 1 gallon of liquid).

    You can all thank me later
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:11 No.11266519
    Right, there's only game that can handle this. FATAL.

    Taking standard human traits, assuming adult female with no further modifiers, we get:

    Height: 5' 4"
    Gives vaginal depth potential: 6.4" [based on (height/12 + 2d20%), i.e. 5 1/3" + 20% as the mean value]
    Vaginal circumference potential: 65 [based on d100 + (1d20 + 5) for motherhood] - equates to approx 6.5" circumference.

    Given that diameter = circumference/pi, we get d=2.07", and r=1.03"
    Volume is defined as pi * r * r * h

    Therefore, according to FATAL, the vaginal volume of an entirely average human female = 21.8 cubic inches.

    Fucking FATAL. I hate you all.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:14 No.11266564

    The good news is, I hate you too for doing that calculation.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:16 No.11266591
    >21.8 cubic inches
    >357 ml
    >double the calculation from >>11266506, based on SCIENCE
    goddamnit, you'd think the one thing FATAL would get right would be this
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:19 No.11266650

    Although, if you just consider the vagina, FATAL's calculation exceeds reality by a factor of six.

    However, the reality assumptions included "non-distended vagina". This clearly is not a concept that enters into the FATAL worldview.

    Holy crap, ow, my brain. I never expected to have to write a paragraph like that last one.
    >> снайпер 07/21/10(Wed)15:21 No.11266671
    This thread reminds me of the time we figured out you could crawl up someone's anus with a DC 80 check and then proceeded to make a character specifically designed around doing this as easily as possible.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:22 No.11266686
    I think a primary consideration here is that the drow in question has to be relatively comfortable moving around and acting while filled with spiders. Late-stage pregnancy can't really be used for the calculation because at that point women have lost a significant amount of their usual physical capability.

    Frankly, I think an extradimensionally expanded vagina is the only rational way to go with this one. Though it would probably make standard sex much less pleasant- perhaps just having a relatively small enchanted object which can produce a near-endless stream of spiders would be more reasonable. "Egg vibrator of summon swarm" sort of thing.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:22 No.11266696

    >no further modifiers
    >+ (1d20 + 5) for motherhood

    At least be consistent in your shit-guzzling retardery.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:24 No.11266732
    Doesn't that assume that the vagina is a perfect cylinder? That hardly seems like a reasonable assumption at all, and I don't think that it's one FATAL makes.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:29 No.11266813
    vag of holding just do it
    >> Qahbeard 07/21/10(Wed)15:30 No.11266847
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    ...The Fuck OP, seriously man.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:31 No.11266879
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    very true
    I think we have reached a (slightly less than horrific) conclusion. OP, a realistic estimate of the storage capacity of a vagina + uterus (if warranted) is insufficient to produce the volume of spiders necessary to cause anything more than an immature giggle from the party's barbarian. The alternative option is any form of bag of holding or other extra-dimensional space.
    Also, fuck you for making us do this.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:32 No.11266897
    Okay, if you go with the 8mm spiders in stasis suggested somewhere upthread, the calculations are pretty easy. Each spider takes up about .27 square centimetres, calling them spherical because that's the easiest way to do it.
    64% is roughly the efficiency you get filling an area randomly with spheres, so that's 134 spiders if you're just using the vagina, 356 if you're filling the uterus as well and around 8,300 if you go with that estimate for a bloated, spider pregnant drow.

    Reduce those numbers by whatever amount you feel is appropriate to drow as opposed to humans.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:39 No.11267029
    as I mentioned earlier in my speculation about the expanded vagina, I don't think women can move around as freely as our cartoon pornography insinuates with a nonflexible item in their vaginas. I think it would hinder their ability to move somewhat.
    And we need to finally decide once and for all what type of spiders we're using here. Larger, smaller, a mix. My earlier calculation was with an average size number I got from a quick google search which is no doubt hindered by the sheer number of species of spiders, which resulted in about 1 inch long spiders in her vagina. I think we can assume for our purposes that we would prefer more toxic and smaller breeds, like the black widow as another anon has mentioned.
    But I thin it's important that our figures deal with simply the dimensions of a relaxed vagina with nothing inserted. (not to say I don't applaud the ingenuity of those that have suggested otherwise on this board, truly you are making magical mechanics work well for you.)

    Also on a final note as I said earlier, I think we need to remember that elf physiology mimics humans but on a smaller scale, so our figures for depth and volume should be at a ratio that reflects that, I prefer .75 to be the conversion number here.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:40 No.11267043
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    Thread complete.

    Good work, all participants. Mission accomplished.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:42 No.11267071
    holy fuck... and then I have the balls to wonder why I'm ashamed to admit I play D&D!
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:42 No.11267072
    Now someone draw it happening and write a story about it
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:42 No.11267080
    >elf physiology mimics humans but on a smaller scale
    ah, indeed. I had forgotten. Needless to say, however, I'm not all that interested in converting it over. This >>11266879 still holds true. The volume is far too small to be of any practical use
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:44 No.11267100
    This thread. I love it.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:44 No.11267108

    I made an assassin in DH like that. Hollowed out inside for concealed pocket to courier items or otherwise hold stuff.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:45 No.11267116
    I couldn't imagine how this would have ever have been practical, I just assumed OP wanted to be able to have a ridiculous bad end for a drow seducing a PC. I mean really this is a purely sexual and depraved idea, but a damn good trap if you have really horny demented players that love elf rape... which we all know /tg/ loves
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:45 No.11267131
    Oglaf comic. Mark my words.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:45 No.11267138
    I must make a note that the first thing I've been screen-capp'd for is a drow-vagina-spider-capacity thread. This is very sad. Autosaged. Continue!
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:49 No.11267198
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:51 No.11267224
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:51 No.11267231
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    >Using swarm rules, we could find the approximate volume of a certain number of spiders, assuming they occupy a single layer evenly distributed over flat ground, with the spiders averaging about 1/16th to 1/8th of an inch high (bigger is creepier, smaller behaves more like a fluid).
    I disagree here. All other factors being equal, a single spider will always be less fearsome than an equivalent volume of smaller spiders.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:52 No.11267242
    Admittedly it's not exactly the mightiest of swarms, but 300 spiders spewing out of a vagina is bound to ruin someone's day.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:52 No.11267247
    Obviously, you people don't remember the thread where we, totally seriously and without porn dumping, calculated the average volume of semen needed to cover a Meltrandi.

    And I STILL can't find that picture. The "SUDDENLY MATH THREAD" one with Klan Klein in it. Know I saved it.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:55 No.11267277
    what's a meltrandi?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:56 No.11267300
    Giant girls from Robotech/Macross
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:57 No.11267309
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    This is Meltrandi. Female counterpart to the all-male Zentraedi species.

    Because the projenitors were fucking loonies.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)15:57 No.11267317
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    This thread is both horrifying and hilarious. Perhaps the best thread I've seen all week.

    Imagine the Barbarian's face when SPIDERS, SPIDERS EVERYWHERE THEY SHOULDN'T BE.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:00 No.11267344
    This thread just needs a "SPIDERS.... SPIDERS EVERYWHERE" pic and we're done.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:01 No.11267367
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    >101 posts and 23 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

    /tg/ please report to the principal's office.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:02 No.11267372
    >>11267309 Because the projenitors were fucking loonies.

    They once created a planet where every species was a marsupial.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:03 No.11267387
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    >this thread
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:04 No.11267411
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    And they once created a bioweapon and then turned it into a science project by leaving it on Earth and infusing some of its DNA into the blood of some native girl, thereby giving her and her descendants strange, vaguely-established psychic powers.

    Also, they liked pop music a lot.

    Picture of Klan's ass completely unrelated.
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)16:07 No.11267460
    In honor of this thread, I've created a new magic item: The Cursed Flask of Endless Spiders, now designed to fit in the average female drow's vagina.

    If the stopper is removed from this ordinary-looking leather flask, an amount of poisonous spiders pour out. Separate command words determine the type of spider as well as the volume and the velocity.
    - "Steam" pours out one gallon of spiders per round
    - "Fountain: produces a five foot long steam of spiders at five gallons per round
    - "Geyser" produces a twenty foot long, one foot wide stream of spiders at thirty gallons per round.

    The geyser effect causes considerable back pressure, requiring the holder to make a DC 12 Constitution check to avoid vaginal tearing. Once started, only a Remove Curse effect can stop the geyser.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:08 No.11267464
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:09 No.11267475
    Just give the spiders the ability to take 10 on a DC80 Escape Artist check. Problem solved.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:10 No.11267488
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:10 No.11267491
    /m/ is almost as diligent. We had one namefriend named Sciencegar Sciencebolt. Calculated the physics behind Mazinkaiser's Fire Blaster and GaoGaiGar's Goldion Hammer, among other things.

    And we were the original ones to work out Klan Klein's bra size.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:10 No.11267504
    I'm imagining the barbarian picking up the drow and hoisting her over his shoulder and aiming her backside at the enemies shouting "GEYSER!" As a projectile stream of spiders shoots out of her vagina with the force of a whale spouting. Where's a draw fag when you need one?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:11 No.11267507

    New power ranking of female Drows, based on spider-holding capacity (from least to best) :
    - Slut
    - Mother
    - Nymphomaniac
    Note that it is impossible for a female not to fit in one of the 3 aforementionned categories.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:11 No.11267516
    To add to the fun, Sheryl's grandma was one of those descendants.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:11 No.11267524
    Depends on the size of the spiders. Think before you ask, OP.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:13 No.11267546
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:13 No.11267553
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    speaking of Klan Klein
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)16:13 No.11267557

    Just note that, if a remove curse effect isn't found, this item will eventually drown the world in vagina-spiders.

    What a strange series of words.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:14 No.11267573
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:15 No.11267589
    "Geyser" setting will liquidise the spiders as soon as they hit anything. Also, that would require rules for vaginal tearing.

    I think a better example would be the Crotch-Ring of Lolth. Fits into (or over) the vulva and links to Lolth's demi-plane or whatever she has, and the spiders come though that.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:16 No.11267607
    Insert a Cubic Gate keyed to Lloth's domain and the effective spider capacity exceeds any reasonable measurement.

    Why limit yourself like that?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:16 No.11267608
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    >my face when this thread
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:17 No.11267626
    Question! Would it be possible to put additional rings over the urethra and anus to turn the solitary vagina ring into a triple threat?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:17 No.11267629
    How the heck do you apply real-world physics to the goldion hammer. What.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:18 No.11267638
    I'm pretty sure that macronized Klein Klan's boobs are firmer than that.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:18 No.11267639
    Now we're talking. I thought we were limiting ourselves to reasonably-available WotC material. How pedestrian of me.
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)16:18 No.11267645

    Yes, the fountain and the geyser settings will prove fatal to most of the spiders involved, but I don't really think that's a problem. At any rate, I've determined that vaginal tearing does 1d4 points of damage per round.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:19 No.11267652
    > FATAL
    > that would require rules for vaginal tearing.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:19 No.11267660
    A small incision to the perineum should ease this.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:20 No.11267676
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    No wonder she has such a captivating singing voice.
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)16:26 No.11267769

    I see no reason why you should limit yourself to a single orifice. If anything, every hole on the body should be able to spew forth a tide of spiders on demand.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:27 No.11267778
    Including pores?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:27 No.11267783
    You are now realizing that everything but the hat and maybe the boots is actually just a holographic projection on a full-body suit.

    Don't feel too bad, though; since the suit's what's producing the image, it's probably skin-tight to avoid interfering with the illusion.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:28 No.11267794
    Is it bad that I see this thread as a sign that /tg/ is starting to get back to being it's old self?
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)16:28 No.11267798

    Especially pores.
    >> !KgDwuqBwFM 07/21/10(Wed)16:29 No.11267813
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    I have no words for this thread.
    none at all.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:29 No.11267823
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    Actually, that just makes it kinkier to me.

    Skintight bodysuits automatically make me think of all the weird sexual things you could put inside them. Like vibrators. Or smearing the inside with some BenGay or something.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:30 No.11267826
    But how will the eyeball spiders get through your cornea, assuming you don't want to go blind?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:30 No.11267834
    Wouldnt you be able to ''summon'' spiders from a vagina? Or any other orifice?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:30 No.11267839
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)16:31 No.11267845

    Not at all, my good man. You see, in the glorious days of yore we had discussions about anal circumference, how many halflings one could smuggle in the average anus, and other incredibly gay problems. Now, however, we have evolved. Instead of focusing entirely on the rear entrance like the ass-bandits that we are, we explore a tender, more feminine side of tabletop gaming by stuffing as many spiders into a drow's vagina as humanly possible. Not only are we approaching the long-forgotten golden age, but we are surpassing it.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:31 No.11267854
    Who needs them when you've got a bunch of massive subwoofers and control over the bass-line?

    Wouldn't that be excruciatingly painful?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:32 No.11267864
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    Also, she only wears the suit because she's "100% pure organic". They make holographic emitter implants.

    And that makes me think of Ranka wearing nothing but a hologram, and that is the best mental image ever.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:32 No.11267876
    If you tattoo the appropriate summoning diagram around the orifice, I don't see why not.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:33 No.11267883
    >beam of vaginal spiders

    So this is what san/psychic damage feels like.

    I'll never complain about 4e powers again.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:33 No.11267890
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    Well not BenGay. You get the idea.

    Also it's difficult to get an orgasm from a bass line unless you have something transmitting it right into your crotch.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:33 No.11267892
    What about macronized Ranka? I mean, she IS a quarter Zentradi.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:33 No.11267898
    >Skintight bodysuits automatically make me think of all the weird sexual things you could put inside them.

    Or a place you can keep spare spiders to reload with.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:34 No.11267900
    Screencapped for the next 'epic posts' thread we have.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:34 No.11267921
    Funny thing about having a skintight hologram-displaying suit: you can power it by piezoelectricity, and arrange for certain areas to be much better at amplifying ambient vibration than others.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:35 No.11267933
    Good to see we have not lost our touch.
    I was just confused as this summer has been a hard one and quality is hard to comprehend in the obscuring fog of stupid.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:35 No.11267934
    Well, the Vajra are sort of giant hivemind space spiders...

    OH GOD.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:35 No.11267935
    How many Aliens style xenomorphs could you fit into a pregnant meltrandi?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:36 No.11267947
    Macronized or micronized?
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)16:36 No.11267953

    You honor me, sir. I suppose you wouldn't mind indulging an old fa/tg/uy's hubris by posting it?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:36 No.11267955
    Oh god we both crossed the memes at the same instant. Help!
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:37 No.11267969
    Macronized. I'm thinking the fully grown ones here.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:37 No.11267978
    The average human vagina: 350 milliliters

    The average drow vagina: 4.5 Liters
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:38 No.11267990
    First time I have felt truly at home again on /tg/ in like six months or more.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:39 No.11268002
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    I believe someone was looking for this?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:39 No.11268016
    >macronized Ranka
    No. That just blows my mind, and not in the good way. I just...can't picture it. It wouldn't make any fucking sense at all.

    >xenomorphs in a Meltran vagina
    They're fucking FORTY FEET TALL. We previously determined it would take over seven thousand men and several thousand gallons of semen to cover one from head to toe. Also Klan Klein is a GGGG-cup.

    Dammit, where'd I put THAT picture now?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:40 No.11268030
    Dammit you read my mind >>11268016
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:44 No.11268097
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    That's not even a very flattering picture of her.

    Klan's boobs are huge even relative to her. They're like twice the size of her head. She is, in fact, the only character in recent memory who is almost always depicted in fanart with SMALLER breasts than her official appearances.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:45 No.11268111
    Even the name fits!
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:45 No.11268116

    How powerful a bassline would one need to achieve this effect? We could be on the brink of a whole new field of sexual science here...
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:47 No.11268158
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    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)16:49 No.11268185
    At that angle she reminds me of a dog.

    >~wan wan~
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:50 No.11268204
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    Are you, as I am assuming you are, contemplating the necessary energetics required to induce a female orgasm by the use of sound waves alone?

    Well, we have a few baseline statistics (probably frequency and pitch would suffice) we would need to elucidate:
    1) Sean Connery's voice
    2) a V8 or larger engine (preferably supercharged and/or turbocharged)
    3) some other things I can't be bothered to remember
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:52 No.11268233
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    Ahahaha taking notes.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:55 No.11268280
    > supercharged and/or turbocharged
    made my head bleeds.
    Should I gb2/k/ ?

    Also, on an unrelated note, if V8 engines could make enough vibes to induce an orgasm, I'm pretty sure
    1- there would be a lot more traffic accidents, and
    2- no sane man would let his wife/gf take the big car, lest she run away with it cause it is way more satisfaying.
    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)16:55 No.11268291
    Take notes from the movie Howard Stern starred in "Private Parts".

    He gave a girl an orgasm by making her straddle her large amp. Turning bass all the way up and humming. (All live reinactment, she said later that she really did orgasm during the filming of the movie as well)
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:56 No.11268298
    Apparently, the "Blaster Beam" instrument has potential in this area. With a little experimentation, we could possibly manufacture a sonic weapon capable of inducing orgasm at some distance. There is money in this.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:56 No.11268300

    It would be worth gathering a sample group of men and women, and testing the sounds on them via various means and varying the bass levels (and probably the bass speakers too) until we achieve the desired result.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:57 No.11268314

    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:57 No.11268318
    Fairly low, maybe 50Hz should do the trick, then you need to work out how much energy you need to nicely massage sensitive parts.

    Given that a fairly small battery in a vibrator will last for a while it can't be all that much. The biggest problem will be that sound tends to go in every direction at once rather than where you want it.

    I'm sure a girl pressing her crotch against a big enough loudspeaker could have a good time doing so.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:57 No.11268321
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    The sound is the right pitch/tone/whatever but to have the proper effect, you can't just play it at her. You have to have something physically transmitting the vibration to the right place.

    So, basically, Sheryl is going to need a miniature subwoofer in her suit crotch.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:58 No.11268336
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    Something bare bones like this might.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)16:59 No.11268357
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    >how to make chicks have spontaneous orgasms using music
    I am going to fucking conquer the female population of Frontier.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:01 No.11268378
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    zenvo st1. Supercharged *and* turbocharged. No, I don't know how that works
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:01 No.11268381
    I think the correct engineering solution here is some sort of flattish sound-activated vibrator.

    I'd prefer something you could beam at people, guess we'll have to wait for someone to invent the Tasp.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:01 No.11268384
    >The biggest problem will be that sound tends to go in every direction at once rather than where you want it.

    This is a big problem: the dissipation of energy inherent with travelling sound waves. Ideally, we could use as powerful a bass tone as possible, but then the problem is whether the person's eardrums could survive.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:01 No.11268390

    Targeted sonic guns? Yes we can.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:02 No.11268405
    Oh, cool, you can actually buy these.

    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)17:03 No.11268425
    >heat comparable to the surface of the sun with each snap, killing its prey instantly
    Add the snapping shrimp's claw to that.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:03 No.11268430

    It even looks a bit like a bug, bringing our perversions full circle.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:04 No.11268441

    In theory, if it works on women it could potentially work on men as well. The key would be making the vibration potent enough to pass through the flesh and resonate with the prostate.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:04 No.11268452
    This all sounds very bad news for bladder control.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:05 No.11268453
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    While I applaud your efforts, /tg/, this is sort of a remedy for the symptoms rather than an attack on the cause of the orgasms. Rather, we should be concentrating our efforts on (possibly sound) inducing orgasm directly through the brain. This is a simple enough process, though experimental trials of it are (somewhat surprisingly) lacking. Activation of certain areas (usually via acetylcholine), which are of much to fine detail to be of any interest to /tg/ can readily initiate orgasm. What we need to do is make an aural projector of the sort... for SCIENCE, of course
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:05 No.11268463

    I stand corrected.
    Also : holy shit what.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:05 No.11268464
    Does that mean we need MORE POWER?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:06 No.11268482
    As a ca/tg/irl, I'm monitoring the direction this thread is going with mixed interest and fear.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:06 No.11268486
    Ever heard of the brown note? Say you could make an enemy soldier piss himself, shit himself, and cum all at once. From 18 miles away.
    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)17:07 No.11268490
    Brown Noise...
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)17:07 No.11268497

    Would you prefer we return to the discussion of spiders in vaginas? It can be easily arranged.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:07 No.11268502
    As I mentioned earlier, combine that with the piezoelectric power generation systems her suit presumably has. The portion over the crotch is just designed with amplification as the first priority and efficient power generation as the second.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:07 No.11268504
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    >invoking Jeremy Clarkson
    >thread about spider-vaginas already has cars in it
    >wtf recursive thread
    >> Shas'o R'myr !!J5+vjygjQuK 07/21/10(Wed)17:08 No.11268506

    Despite what south park says, it is remarkably hard to get a brown note going.

    And you will cause physical damage before loss of bowel control.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:08 No.11268509
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    I don't really care about that, I just want to make Sheryl squirm on stage.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:08 No.11268513
    Experimental trials are lacking because it's one of the grayest areas of them all, challenging our notion of boundaries. Since we're all immoral bastards, though, I should think we'll have no problem with it.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:08 No.11268521
    How do you feel about vibrating spiders?

    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:08 No.11268524
    Well, by interest I mean that heavy bass sounds in general turn me on and I find this discussion pretty awesome, I just find it slightly terrifying how efficient you all are at getting to the root of things.
    I like this better than the spider vagina thing.
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)17:09 No.11268528

    Oh, well. Your loss, I suppose.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:09 No.11268542
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    Vibrating mechanical spiderbots?

    No, wait, shit I've got it! Vajra larvae!

    I am a fucking GENIUS.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:10 No.11268552
    Just have an encounter with a female drow character paired with a swarm of spiders. The players will be too busy going "oh god wat" to care how she did it.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:10 No.11268556
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    I believe we could retitle this thread as "Bringing to Life Fetishes using SCIENCE."
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:11 No.11268558
    That just means we'll have to refine it a bit to dial back to non-lethal territory. Before that, we'll have a cannon that will literally shake you to death.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:11 No.11268566

    I now feel like a bold explorator of the grey areas of SCIENCE! for the progress of mankind.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:11 No.11268573

    Well, if the vibrations hit the bladder instead, then yes...


    This is /tg/, we always need more power.


    Actually, this is probably a far better idea than the brute force mega bassline approach. Is there any more information about that kind of effect?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:12 No.11268584
    The problem with this is that our bodies don't resonate at the same frequency, and don't transmit sound waves equally well everywhere.

    It may not be quite as elegant, but just using the induced vibration to stimulate erogenous zones without trying to induce a single region of the brain to do something while stimulating the whole thing equally is going to be simpler.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:12 No.11268589
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    Project SHERYL: Audioslave
    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)17:16 No.11268632
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:16 No.11268637
    well, the problem is thus: most of the areas that control our baser desires are situated near the top of the cerebellum, around the septal area. As the name suggests, it's sort of located in the undercity of the brain, and thus annoyingly hard to get at without blowing massive chunks of brain out from everywhere else.
    Worry not, however, for as a neurofag, I do promise that we are working on this and that one day SCIENCE will achieve this.

    It might even be closer than we'd imagined:
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:17 No.11268649
    If you're going to do that, just set up a conductive wire in the appropriate portion of the brain that sends very small amounts of electricity into specific areas when it vibrates, then make sure that its resonant frequency is different from that of the brain.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:19 No.11268671
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    I think the whole "vibrating bass-transmitting device that turns your vagina into jelly" is a bit more plausible than "putting electrodes into the brain" guys.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:20 No.11268689
    Don't get me wrong, I love spiders. All bugs, actually. That one in the video was absolutely adorable.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:21 No.11268703
    /tg/: From vagina spiders to Macross to sonic weapons back to spiders.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:21 No.11268705

    I'm trying to imagine how brain surgeons would react when people will start to ask them to graft them what are essentially ultra powerful electric dildos or fleshlights...
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)17:21 No.11268708

    Sorry for Slowpoke here, I might just dom this.

    And not in a sexy way.

    More in a OH GOD OH GOD WHY WHY WHYYYyyy. . . . . . type of way.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:22 No.11268730
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    yeah, but "vibrating bass-transmitting device that turns your vagina into jelly" is sort of in the "already done" pile. Direct induction of an orgasm is that much kinkier (and probably far more dangerous).
    I mean, hell, we do it with rats and mice all the time (and I do believe the term "sex slave" and all its implications are valid here). I doubt it'd be that much different with humans
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:22 No.11268735
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    And we're still on Macross, too.
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)17:22 No.11268738

    >might just do this*
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:26 No.11268793
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    you're assuming that it hasn't happened already. There was a case similar to the above (though it was a remedy for depression instead) downtown about, oh, 3 months back. Unfortunately, HIPAA and all that so I never got to read the file.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:28 No.11268827
    Validating thread id.
    This can take a few seconds...
    Checking if the thread exists: >>11262498.html
    The thread has been found, continue processing.

    Thanks for your request.
    It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
    This thread has been requested 1 times now.
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)17:30 No.11268870

    It's already archived on sup/tg/.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:35 No.11268960
    And will be culled in a matter of days due to the fact that it's just "durr hurr fap fuckshit" quote unquote.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:39 No.11269009

    And there was me thinking that "might just dom this" meant that you were going to insert spiders into your sub.
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)17:40 No.11269029

    I hope not. Perhaps if it gets enough upvotes they'll think twice before giving it the axe. Or perhaps they'll see it as a return to /tg/'s greatness and let it be immortalized.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:41 No.11269039
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    I do hope that whomever has been forced to comb through the threads finds that this thread is indeed a "/tg/ gets shit done" thread
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:42 No.11269058
    >implying that any of the modbase actually read the threads instead of just insta-deleting anything below +15
    >> LordHighlander 07/21/10(Wed)17:44 No.11269084
    >implying quests are not deleted on-sight by mods regardless of post count
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:45 No.11269101
    And that's why we can't have nice things.
    >> LordHighlander 07/21/10(Wed)17:46 No.11269116
    truly and unfortunately... I do enjoy quests...
    oh! Megacorp should be today!
    And zerg quest 3...
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:49 No.11269169
    Megacorp today? When was the last thread?
    >> LordHighlander 07/21/10(Wed)17:54 No.11269235
    one week ago? maybe two?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)17:55 No.11269255
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    Hey now, we still haven't properly calculated the internal volume of a Meltrandi uterus yet. We can't just stop the thread now.
    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)18:08 No.11269491
    Ask /sci/.

    Be sure to link them to this:

    So it may get them interested.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:11 No.11269540
    Probably big enough to fit at least one Vajra. One of the smaller ones, anyway.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:12 No.11269560
    1d4 Swarms of spiders
    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)18:24 No.11269758
    Tervigon rules?
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)18:28 No.11269819
    In a dark corridor, there was a quiet stir of motion, and a hidden form moved into the torchlight. The form resolved itself into a half-orc, named Krog, trying to be as sneaky as possible. He sniffed the air, glanced about nervously, and clutched his axe closer. He knew he was in a dangerous position, and knew that he had a mission to accomplish. That didn’t mean he had to enjoy it.

    He glanced around a corner. No guards. . . yet. He had been lucky so far, and knew that if that luck ran out, he was dead. Or worse, knowing these Drow. He peeked into a chamber, hoping it was the right one. There! Sitting on the platform in the center of the room, glittering in the dim light, was the object that he had come so far to seek out. He licked his lips nervously. No, no. It was never this easy. Hidden guards? Magical traps? Something worse?. . . The possibilities ran through his head. None were pleasant.
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)18:29 No.11269834
    Glancing about once more, he took a deep breath. He considered turning back. No! I’ve come too far. No turning back now. . . He tightened his belt, adjusted his chain mail, and took a firmer grip on his axe. Run in, grab it, get out. Simple enough. Shifting to a sprinter’s pose, Krog lunged forward into the chamber. . . and stopped.

    He couldn’t move. While the actual thoughts running through his head cannot be expressed in polite company, they can be summarized as such: Shit. He heard deep, throaty laughter behind him. In no great hurry, a female Drow sauntered around to where he could see her. Her blood red glare met his eyes squarely. Her lips were twisted into a cruel smirk. She said something in the foul language that the Drow use, most likely talking to herself than to him, and then laughed again.
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)18:29 No.11269851
    Krog wasn’t panicking, despite his situation. He knew that Drow liked to torture before they killed, and, if he wasn’t outside in a few hours, his friends would come in to save him. He just had to wait the Drow out, until then. This is not going to be fun. At this point, the Drow stepped away from him, and leaned against the pedestal supporting the Object. Surprisingly, she then began speaking in Common.

    “Tell me, thief, what exactly were you thinking, sneaking into my home like this?”

    Krog glanced about, looking for anything he could use. He remained silent.

    “Speak, half-orc! I know the spell isn’t restricting your vocal cords, so talk!”

    Krog still had nothing to say.

    “. . .Very well, then. We shall have to do this the other way.”
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:30 No.11269859
    WTF dude who cares about Drow any more.

    Write something involving Klan Klein and vajra larvae.
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)18:30 No.11269870
    He was, to say the least, shocked when the Drow lay down on the floor of the room. When he felt himself being forced to kneel, bringing his face down, close to the, *Ahem,* delicate bits of his captor, he simply didn’t know what to think. When the Drow carefully removed her rather scanty coverings, and revealed herself to him, Krog managed to restart his brain. He stared at the, er, naughty bits that were roughly four inches away from his face. This might not be so bad after all. . . Wait. Did it just twitch?!?! Indeed, it did just twitch, and before Krog’s very eyes, a spider emerged. What. As he continued to observe, another spider joined the first, crawling around on the floor. The. Several more spiders emerged, and, soon, a few dozen eight-legged arachnids were presented before the half-orc. FUCK. Soon, A river of horrible, crawling monsters were emerging from the Drow’s nethers, in a horrible, horrible parody of childbirth.

    . . .
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:30 No.11269875
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)18:31 No.11269880
    Outside the fortified structure that served as a Drow sorceress’s hideout, several adventurers sat, playing cards. A girly shriek was heard, seeming to come from inside.

    One looked at the other. “You hear anything?”

    “Nah. Your turn.”

    Adventurers are dicks.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:31 No.11269893
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    You make Ranka cry.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:32 No.11269897
    ....I can't believe this thread has this many posts.

    What the fuck is wrong with us...
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:32 No.11269898

    Okay, drow and spiders in their vagina?

    Just say they have a pocket dimension in their vagina and they can open it and spew forth a near endless stream of arachnids.

    The worst thing is? I have gynophobia and arachnophobia at pretty crippling levels. This is pretty much the culmination of my worst fears into one.
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)18:33 No.11269925

    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)18:34 No.11269935

    That makes me happy.


    Shut your whore mouth.
    I started this before we changed subjects.
    And, by damn, I finish what I start.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:34 No.11269940
    To the people who mentioned it upthread, Megacorp Quest just started. Thought you'd like to know.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:34 No.11269945
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    Then stop worrying about spidervagina and help me make Ranka's Hypersonic Orgasmatron Cannon already.
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)18:35 No.11269953

    So many, many things, dear Anon.


    Why thank you.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:36 No.11269966
    Well I'm happy for you. Now you have achieved your goal in life of creating something utterly wrong and bad.
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)18:36 No.11269974

    I must confess, though, that I was rather hoping for a spider-cannon. I still enjoyed your story, mind you.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:37 No.11269997
    This large steel tube, mounted with a shoulder brace, is a heavy two handed weapon for most medium characters. By pointing the end at a foe selected through a special viewing crystal on the side and pressing a button on the bottom, the tube will summon and catapult a medium sized shark at thier opponent. The weilder makes a ranged attack roll against the target to a maxiumum range of 100ft; there is no range increment for this attack. If the attack was successful the target takes 1d6+1 points biting damage plus 1d6 points of bludgeoning damage per 10ft the shark traveled(as though falling damage). Successful or not, after the attack the shark disappears, fading into dust and leaving behind only a handful of teeth.

    Non-proficient weilders may make an attack only as a standard action. Proficient weilders (anyone who has Exotic Weapon Proficiency: Sharkgun) may attack with a sharkgun as often as thier iterative attack bonus would allow.

    A sharkgun may be enchanted as any ranged weapon, however it's special ammunition may not be further enhanced. An amunition bundle (a leather belt set with sharks teeth) holds 50 charges. Reloading an ammunition belt is a move equivilent action. Each shark fired drains one charge from the ammunition belt.

    Strong Evocation(ammunition faint Conjuration). Caster level: 10th(amunition castre level 1st). Pre-requisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armour, Telekenesis, (ammunition requires Summon Nature's Ally I). Price: Sharkgun 5,000gp; Ammunition: 1,000gp each.

    I figure something like this, except much smaller and concealed in the vagina. Summon Swarm? Summon Spider?
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)18:38 No.11270018



    Maybe next time, bucko.

    I must confess, however, that I was tempted to Bel-Air the ending on that.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:39 No.11270025
    >gun that shoots spiders
    Unreal fucking 2 bitches. Remember that shit?

    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:41 No.11270063
    I could accept that.
    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)18:41 No.11270071
    I like the spider mines I shoot at corners that await people..

    Especially when I snipe in UT2004
    >> Mr. OP !!QGQTBqQHN36 07/21/10(Wed)18:41 No.11270078
    Arright, I'm out of here.

    Might writefag something else, should a thread catch my eye.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:43 No.11270128
    Now how likely is it that the vagina spiders will pull a candiru and crawl up the guy's urethra when the drow has sex with him?
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)18:44 No.11270139

    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)18:45 No.11270155
    Don't continue down that train of thought.

    You might make a new /d/ fetish.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:51 No.11270293
    So how would you go about spider-proofing a condom?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:51 No.11270301
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    >Fifteen pregnant patients had a mean endometrial thickness and volume of 10.8 ± 2.3 mm (mean ± SD) and 4.9 ± 2.2 ml, respectively. Thirty-two non-pregnant patients had corresponding measurements of 11.8 +/- 3.4 mm and 5.8 +/- 3.4 ml respectively.
    So the volume of the interior of Klan's uterine space, if it conforms to average values for nonpregnant patients, should be a scalar multiplication of 5.8 +/- 3.4 ml.

    Klan is 12.5 meters tall, Miria is 8.55 m tall, the average human female is 1.68 m tall, the average Zentran soldier is 10 m tall, the average human male is about 1.74 m tall. If we assume Zentraedi and humans to have the same proportional disparity between males and females, then the average meltran should be about 9.655 m tall. So we can figure out Klan and Miria's proportions from that, I guess. Klan would be about equivalent to a woman over 2.175 m tall (that's 7 feet, 1.6 inches), and Miria would be a petite 1.48 m tall (4 feet, 10.6 inches). That's largely irrelevant, but good to know.

    Okay, so Klan's height is 12.5/2.175 = 5.747 times what her height would be. That means that volumetric measurements should be multiplied by 5.737^3, which is about 189.44, so her uterine volume would be (5.8 +/- 3.4) *189.44, giving us a maximum value of 1742.848 ml, a minimum of 454.656 ml, and an average value of 1098.752 ml.

    She holds a max of 1.7 liters, a minimum of .45 liters, and will likely be around 1.1 liters.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:53 No.11270330
    >average Meltran uterine volume of 1.1 liters.

    That's still like a tenth of what any random guy ejaculates in one sitting according to Japan.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:58 No.11270409
    Japan says...many things.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)18:59 No.11270423
    >new /d/ fetish
    /d/ is much tamer than /tg/
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)19:00 No.11270446

    Luckily, the average spider will be small and disoriented upon the forced evacuation from the vagina and they will be inclined to escape in multiple directions. However, there is a chance that, fearful, they may lash out at whatever is nearby, including the penis, while more may attempt to find shelter within the condom itself and through that the urethra. The obvious solution would be to not have vaginal sex with any drow, but a rubber condom with extra thick walls and a slightly tighter-than-comfortable entrance hole will protect the penis from the majority of spider attacks. However, this will only protect the penis itself and not the rest of the flesh, so it may be advisable to wear some sort of full-body suit before engaging in coitus with a female suspected of harboring vagina-spiders. Who knows? The feeling of thousands of frightened spiders trying to escape the crushing deathtrap as you pound the vagina may create new, unheard of, and possibly pleasurable sensations should proper precautions be taken.

    - Excerpt from "On the Nature of Sexual Relationships with Drow, Volume III" by Lord Adventurer Adventureson
    >> Papa !NurglevYtE 07/21/10(Wed)19:00 No.11270447
    Because it's filled with gay posters and female lurkers.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:02 No.11270462
    Or just stick it up her pooper.

    Just sayin'.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:02 No.11270466
    That explains why every text post is bitching, whining and childish drama, I guess.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:02 No.11270477
    >>The feeling of thousands of frightened spiders trying to escape the crushing deathtrap as you pound the vagina may create new, unheard of, and possibly pleasurable sensations should proper precautions be taken.

    Ew. Okay, how this Adventureson fella got to be a Lord is beyond me.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:03 No.11270481

    It feels like /tg/ is Coke Classic, while /d/'s all Coke Zero, y'know?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:03 No.11270483
    Alternatively, fumigate the interior of the vagina before use. A variant of Cloudkill should work nicely.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:03 No.11270489
    That also has spiders.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:04 No.11270493
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    Never before have I laughed, cried, got an erection and came perilously close to throwing up all at once at a /tg/ thread before. I fucking love you people!
    >> Alpharius 07/21/10(Wed)19:05 No.11270506

    Easy. If you can survive a Drow's trap-filled vagina you can easily navigate the considerably calmer waters of pseudo-Medieval politics.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:06 No.11270522
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    You're welcome!

    PS buy my CDs
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:06 No.11270528
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:06 No.11270530
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    /tg/, your love of Meltrandi Maths is bordering on obsession.
    >> Crix !!nLvSV/0cRma 07/21/10(Wed)19:07 No.11270535
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:07 No.11270546
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    unfortunately, my friend, I do believe you've misunderstood something. The endometrial lining is just that, it's a lining on the inside of the uterus. The actual volume of the uterus + vagina was previously given here: >>11266506.
    Assuming all else is equal, the true volume should be about 30 times as large as you gave, or about 33 liters.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:08 No.11270548
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    my god
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:09 No.11270560
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    I'll have you know that there's only one person getting any sort of sexual activity out of me. And it's not you.

    Although damn, you look good for a sixty-year-old.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:10 No.11270595
    Holy fuck that's just crazy.

    Now then, how many Vajra larvae could fit in a space that big?

    More importantly, if you used some kind of inflatable membrane and slowly expanded it from within, how many could you fit inside given an average-sized pregnancy.

    And by "average-sized" I mean relatively.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:14 No.11270655
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    >about 33 liters
    jesus fucking christ
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:14 No.11270661
    Stop that. Stop wanting to know that.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:16 No.11270685
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    I cannot, good sir.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:16 No.11270697
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    well, a "pregnant" macro'd meltrandi would have a capacity about 25 times as large (average between 23-26x), so we should expect a volume of 825 liters, or about 220 gallons. Pic related. A pregnant Meltrandi of Klan's height (and she's larger than most) would be able to stuff it in.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:18 No.11270720

    I had assumed that the volume given by the study was of the endometrial cavity, and that the volume given by the post you cited was of the dimensions of the entire organ system, cavity, lining, structures and all, because I found similar figures when googling for the volume, but all those figures referred to the entire organ rather than simply to the endometrial cavity itself.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:19 No.11270736
    What if it's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside?

    Yeah, I know. But I'm a Doctor Who fan; what else am I going to say?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:19 No.11270741
    Well you could say it'd technically fit, but I doubt inserting it or getting it the fuck back out would be at all pleasant, considering the sheer stress the vaginal passage would have to undergo for it to fit through.

    Although we're talking about a much more gradual process here, involving a lot of smaller objects.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:21 No.11270761
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    >endometrial cavity
    unfortunately no such thing exists. Endometrium refers specifically to the thin wall or layer that coats the inside of the uterus. Since we are, as you say, interested in the cavity space, that's not a particularly useful number.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:21 No.11270768
    we calculate shit that should not be calculated
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:21 No.11270779
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    No, that's just Sheryl's stomach.

    She's just lucky she has a damn strong constitution.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:22 No.11270787

    >the uterus is a muscular organ located in the pelvis between the bladder and the rectum.

    >It has an internal cavity known as the endometrial cavity that is continuous with the cervical canal, the vagina below and the two openings in the upper portion leading to the fallopian tubes, right and left. The lining of the cavity is called the endometrium.
    >> Reaper High Chairman of the Iridiate Council, Zog Mothon !!hPPT0NxN4X3 07/21/10(Wed)19:27 No.11270845
    This is -THE- best thread in a long, long time. I love you, OP.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:28 No.11270856
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    >This midline sagittal T2-weighted MRI shows a small lowsignal lesion within the confines of the endometrial cavity.
    >In view of current controversies regarding the need for new, shorter intrauterine devices (IUDs) that would reduce expulsion rates in nulligravida, endometrial cavity length was measured in women of different parities using uterine sounding and ultrasonography.
    >saline is seen extending from the endometrial cavity into the echogenic area

    I'd get more, but, yes there is an endometrial cavity according to the internet.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:29 No.11270880
         File1279754947.png-(1.05 MB, 1232x4500, horrorspider.png)
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    see, here's the thing, what the article refers to as an endometrial cavity is, in fact, just called the uterus. Ever since Henry Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body, all the literature calls it a uterus, not the endometrial cavity, because it gives an improper impression as to its function. It shows: you used the thickness volume as a surrogate for the cavity's volume.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:34 No.11270951
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    And this thread shows the problem caused by insisting on that terminology. Your calculations >>11270301 refers specifically to a "endometrial thickness and volume", which is obviously in relation to the lining of the endometrial wall and not the cavity therein. It's much more straightforward to refer to it simply as the uterus. It prevents silly things like this
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:38 No.11271029
         File1279755533.jpg-(1.97 MB, 1200x1600, giant queen.jpg)
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    I thought that the uterus was considered distinct from the vagina, being divided from it by the cervix?
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:39 No.11271036
    where/what is that pic from? it looks familier
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:44 No.11271112
         File1279755848.jpg-(267 KB, 600x800, klan nene raramia 3.jpg)
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    It is, and has nothing to do with the previous argument.

    Klan Klan, from Macross Frontier
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)19:49 No.11271198
    thank you kind anon
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)20:41 No.11272083
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    Just passin' through gents...
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)20:46 No.11272167

    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)21:44 No.11273148
    That almost looks more like they're coming out the anus.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)21:54 No.11273314

    Ironically, the anus would be a better storage solution. You could magically make the drow not need food, drink, air or internal organs, then fill them with spiders which they can fire out the anus or mouth. Plus, the spiders can eat the host's internal organs to sustain themselves until expulsion, and if the host is killed, the spiders can escape the body and kill the host's killer.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)21:58 No.11273365
    I know that we've mostly gotten off the spider topic at this point, but the Hoard Gullet spell out of Dragon Magic is probably the simplest solution. Prematurely ending the spell even ejects everything put in. Just say "vagina" instead of "mouth" and you're in business.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)22:08 No.11273543
    Okay... Drow Vagina Spiders. Chock one more /tg/ invention to add to my list of fucked up pub rumors for my D&D campaign.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)22:10 No.11273577
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    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)22:20 No.11273746
    You're not going to have it actually happen? Shit man, this is gold.
    >> Anonymous 07/21/10(Wed)22:31 No.11273931
    My players would probably lynch me if I brought up something as fucked up as Vagina Spiders. We have a rule at the table: No overt gross shit or sexual shit.

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