If I saw this man on the street, I would suck his cock then and there, no questions asked. I mean, maybe he might have some questions as to why I'm suddenly sucking his cock, but then again, he's Alton Fucking Brown. This shit just happens to him all the time.
Jesus Christ. I need to move to Japan and become a world-renown purveyor of authentic Japanese cuisine before our country gets so fat that the whole continent sinks under the ocean, never to be seen again.
I swear to ALTON BROWN. If I see ANOTHER fucking pocky recipe in my recipe archive I'm going to go after the lot of you with a Ginsu knife. WE GET IT. YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE-COVERED BREADSTICKS. FUCK KINDLY OFF. Goddamn weeaboos. Not a one of you have ever even heard of gyoza, or know the difference between soba and elbow noodles, so you have NO RIGHT to be so enamored with Japanese culture and cuisine. I can't wait to move to Japan with the REAL Japanese so I don't have to put up with this shit. They'll appreciate my fine understanding of their culture and exquisite foods.
Speaking of user-submitted recipes, if we get another incident like this I'm going to just shut down the user submissions database entirely.